Shame

It happens in the blink of my coffee deprived eyes. I blink and try to focus, only to realize she's Gone! One breath, i have a dog and a second breath, my dog has disappeared before my very eyes!
I plunge onto simultaneous fear, grief, anger and shame. She isn't 'smart' enough to watch for cars when bounding after a squirrel or rabbit. She isn't able to discern by smell whether some block of rat poison or bag of coco bark dust will prove fatal. That's my job: to protect her.
Looking crazed, shoeless, stumbling up and down the streets wearing my pajamas and tousled hair, i am afraid to call loudly and draw attention to myself. I just walk turning my head often to peer into dark recesses for a black shape that might resemble a dog. After twenty minutes i still have no leads and am tear stained; oh the shame:(
I promised this would never happen again and it does near weekly. She just runs off!
I awaken Dan, "she's gone!"
I pour a cup of coffee for him ( which now is old but untouched.)
We hop into the car. I explain that I have been south and west. We begin our anxious search.
As we retrace our southerly route we glimpse her in the distance, and two good Samaritans holding her by a red leash. We claim her and everyone else has a good chuckle.
I have yoga in ten minutes so put her into a harness and put on my pants.
On the mat she sleeps contentedly following her big adventure. I am very reproving, weeping and working myself over as if i were there for a whipping.
The good news, "She's safe!"
The good news, after allowing the feelings to arise, ( out out damn spot!)
i choose Joy:) and write a thank you note to the lady who found my dog.
No shame in that!