Suzy's Guide Dog

2012-01-15T12:14:00.000-08:00

I am compelled to action on behalf of my brother Tom. The blood of parents runs through us both, not only the eccentricity but the gene for blindness. Tom became blind at 20 years of age. He lives is indescribable poverty and squalor.
In the past two months several hours a day are spent counseling and reassuring him. Not in person since neither of us drive, but many calls at night, listening and practicing empathy. Not judging, being witness to his anxiety. and small successes.
I am in such a blessed position to support him as he transitions into new housing. The social worker found a safer residence in Milwaukie with meals served downstairs daily. His acquaintances from the Quaker community have helped to box up his belongs; Spam cans that hold used spice bags for instance. He is frugal to a fault. His electric bill and phone bill have never exceeded thirty dollars, as trustee I know.
Each time I suggest an improvement to his standard of living, area carpet for instance he says no. He doesn't know if his dishwasher works, he has never used it. He prefers to hang his laundry outdoors to air dry rather than spend quarters to purchase dryer heat.
If I lived on six hundred dollars a month I might feel the same way. Every dime counts!
Last night when we spoke he said he had applesauce, yogurt and tofu for dinner. He was waiting to see if he became ill. He thought it might be spoiled. Being blind has some drawbacks.
My husband contends he is mentally ill. On some level he may be. Certainly to be depressed, and a hoarder strongly suggest something is out of balance. And I realize I can't change the blindness,or hoarding. I have hopes that the depression can be addressed through medication. Oregon Health Sciences University has a support group for people who hoard.
Last night I struggled with my hopelessness. My hopelessness lies in my inaction to come to his aid. I still wish for wisdom in this matter of being a loving agent of support.
With or without his agreeing to my help, I am going out to fulfill my vision of a cheerful, safe, clean living space for him. A rug, and brightly painted table, plates and glasses that won't break, a skillet with out rust or peeling teflon and silverware. Bath towels, night lights to guide his steps and a non skid mat for his shower floor will help.
To do nothing because he discourages me will benefit no one.
I am not attached to him changing. I just can't sit by and do nothing. I understand such mall things about being blind that can soothe his ragged soul and ease his living.
The social worker says he must make changes. I asked him to think of two things he could work on. . . .
Today is moving Day

2012-01-08T09:41:00.000-08:00

I have been feeling the unrest for months, looking at where my Passion has gone; sensing a shift was inevitable.
Change arrived with the dawn of 2012! and I am beginning to see what was missing and why. For six years I have practiced yoga and svadyaya (self study) at The Shanti. Traveling many nights a week to and from. Each day calling to place a ride request, anticipating the return call announcing my ride times. Waiting for the bus to arrive and waiting for my turn to be dropped off. In each day of anticipation I was slowly being depleted of willpower, slowly feeling more and more powerless to exert influence. And practicing Contentment :) Which is a good thing (different than complacent.)
Today as I sat and awaited the new day, I began to write of the things that were new within me. Mirage also awaiting the Light of day to be fed. . . .
Now to back up. The decision to stop traveling to yoga classes 'in town' was born of the desire to help my brother transition from his current impoverished housing to a decent domicile and our vacation to Hawaii which comes mid session. We have been enjoying swim classes at a senior retirement center a half mile away which has a tremendous fitness center. For $45.00 I can take unlimited classes and swim for hours each day, No rides required! My new classes include yoga, aqua core, posture and balance, weight training and yoga-pilates.
I feel so Joyful to walk there in the morning or afternoon and I have trained Mirage to guide me along the hallways of the Waterford to it's entry, outdoors to the gated entrance, up the street to a crosswalk and along the unlit area that leads to our street. It's only a 15 minute transit. There is such freedom in all of this!
Other perks include greeting the residents as they admire my sweet dog. Putting Mirage through her 'paces':"Mirage, Sit, stay, lie down, say your prayers and heel."
The seniors we meet Love my dog and truly marvel at her intelligence and obedience.
I am enjoying a new routine and feel stronger. I am also shifting in other ways as my 'power' grows, in ways I haven't yet realized.
I turned in a job application to be a Substitute Yoga Teacher there. I have been so concerned about my Fairway Village students safety, because I can't see them when we are arranged in a circle.I changed the arrangement. At the new class, she teaches in the Dark!!! silhouetted by rope lighting.I see that my teaching style, is less utilitarian, I bring an energetic heart connection to clesses. I haven't had an interview and they may have someone on staff who could sub in a pinch. I am happy that I see myself as employable and have the desire to be helpful and visible. In no way am I challenging the present yoga teacher. I am truly enjoying her unique style and learning how differently we share our love of yoga with others.
Sincerely, Susan and Mirage
(Who is adjusting to being an actual guide dog.)

2012-01-08T09:01:00.001-08:00

For a New Beginning

In out-of-the-way places of the heart, 
Where your thoughts never think to wander, 
This beginning has been quietly forming, 
Waiting until you were ready to emerge.

For a long time it has watched your desire, 
Feeling the emptiness growing inside you,
 Noticing how you willed yourself on, 
Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.

It watched you play with the seduction of safety 
And the gray promises that sameness whispered,
 Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent, 
Wondered would you always live like this.

Then the delight, when your courage kindled,
 And out you stepped onto new ground,
 Your eyes young again with energy and dream,
 A path of plenitude opening before you.

Though your destination is not yet clear 
You can trust the promise of this opening; 
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning 
That is at one with your life’s desire.

Awaken your spirit to adventure; 
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk; 
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm,
 For your soul senses the world that awaits you.

~ John O’Donohue ~

2011-12-30T22:16:00.000-08:00

I am out of practice.
Winter is definitely here, we've turned the corner, after a month of bluesky sunshine, the rain is unceasing.
Each day we wait for a peep of rainless sky. And hurry out to stroll, leisurely and unhurried to breathe deeply and soften into the moist cool air.
Mirage has a new toy and a box of gingerbread dog treats from Trader Joe's. Her tongue must be exhausted. I coat a cookie with peanut butter and break off obe arm so the cookie slides snugly into the kong. She works on the black extreme kong for hours, relentless in her pursuit.
We are having a tight little holiday by the fire!

2011-11-30T10:40:00.000-08:00

As the days grows shorter and The Winter Solstice approaches our days become sweeter.
Feeding Mirage at sunrise, then playtime and grooming, a walk and a 'long Winter's nap', seem to define our days.
Last night I returned to my challenging yoga class. (Anyway I once thought of it as such, it is a level two three.) For the past two months I have been in a series of classes with the Soul Collage group exploring Grace. We read Invisible Acts of Power, Personal choices That Create Miracles by Caroline Myss. Now the series has ended and I carry all the wisdom and beauty back into my yoga practice.
Last night after our vigorous walk and the blessing of a majestic orange sunset, Mirage headed to her bed by the fireplace. Sleeping soundly, she did not respond to my urging, "Mirage, wake up! It's time to go to yoga!" I thought all right, here is an opportunity to use my white cane. The cane is a telescopic one I use when traveling, mostly I whip it out for early boarding in airline terminals.
Kissing Mirage good bye, I extended it to full length and closed the door softly behind me. The ride was quick and the driver dropped me at the curb. Sure! I welcome a chance to practice some cane techniques. I positioned the cane in a pencil grip and held it near my navel. I swept it right to left and covered the space slightly wider than my shoulders. Immediately I encountered a soft fluttery ground cover. Autumn leaves! With the blunt cane tip it was impossible to cut through their depth to find a recognizable sidewalk surface. Luckily the distance to the door was about fifty feet and once I located the curb I was fine, mostly amused by the heavy jumbled shag carpet of leaves as I waded towards the door. I love how the cane swings freely at the top of the stair landing after clipping each stair step in rhythm.
The class was Lovely!
Then the bus returned. A student alerted me that the driver had again parked at the curb. Perfect! I descended the stair, unsure of what the technique was now. Something to relearn... The driver was near the door and too close to break into my sweeping cane action. I waited for his lead and followed. As we were enveloped by the shadowy night, he offered his arm. I graciously accepted it. It's good to be flexible on and off the mat!
The ride home was quick too. Mirage was at the door to greet me. We played and I was so thankful for the evening in it's entirety.

2011-11-22T17:12:00.000-08:00

I'm coming clean! I lost my dog again. OH, the Shame~
She was only missing one agonizing hour this time. How could this happen you ask. . .
Well it was my birthday. Gerri invited me and four others to her house for a fancy dinner party. She owns two scrumptious cats; ragdolls! Oh, these cats are timid, especially around dogs :) ( I first saw the lady wheeling her cats around the neighborhood in a baby carriage with a clear vinyl window enclosure.) When she called to invite me she added hesitantly before saying good bye, "Oh, and you can bring Mirage~" hmmm. I thought that took a lot since her cats are indoor cats. We must be on out best behavior!
We arrived and immediately settle near the warm fire. it was a cold blustery night. I secured Mirage's leach to the leg of my ample satin wingback chair. After hors dourves and a glass of wine my friend Judy asked if we couldn't let Mirage off her leash. I was quick to answer, "No! I won't have her snooping around the house, spooking the kitties. And I can't keep my eye on her every minute." Judy accepted this easily. Yeah, I stuck to my 'guns' and was clear and firm.
During dinner, Mirage came to the table and I secured her just to my left on the table leg. The cats arrived and were most intrigued as to their guest, the nice black dog. Then Judy asked, "does she have to stay in that harness all night?"
Now, after more dinner I am less rigid. "not really." So the leash remains on and Mirage is tethered without her harness.
Dessert and champagne are served. Someone asks, "does Mirage need to go out?" I say no. . .and change my mind to probably!
They jump up to get her and ask if she needs her leash. Well, the answer id complicated and I should have taken her outside myself. The small hook comes out of the large hook to extend the leash to it's maximum length. The explanation was too slow, because I heard C'mon Mirage and Judy and Gerri were sliding the back door open onto the golf course. I looked at Fran and she looked at me. Wow, that happened so fast! Why is it I don't interrupt?
"Will she come back?" was the next sentence as they returned to the table, looking
uncomfortable. "We'll see~" was my answer.
After calling her and going around the house a ga-jillion times everyone returned to admit she was indeed GONE!
Franny and I hopped into her car, and Gerri and Judy into the other. We hit the desolate foggy streets at a snail's pace, windows dowm, calling "Mirage. . .Mirage, come!" For about forty five minutes. Gerri called 9-1-1.
"This is not really an emergency, but we lost a black labrador guide dog in the Fairway Village neighborhood. Ours is a three mile radius and only two exits, so the space is mostly secured. . . .
We sat numb and weeping by the fire, the tiramisu a distant memory and quite sober now. Then my phone rang. "Hello?" "yes?" "oh, Thank you! Thank you!!"
Someone found her at my house!
We piled into the car and hauled ass. Grant and Ruby were standing on our front porch with Mirage! Her tail wagged and she ran into my arms as I held her and sobbed thankfully. Grant said, "Ruby just went into that bush over there and came out with her. She gets all the credit!"
What a relief. Everyone felt terrible and I don't think anyone will be asking to take her outside off leash again.
My shame, now is a lesson learned. I will be firm when it comes to My Dog :)
We am about to leave for another birthday party.

2011-11-14T16:19:00.000-08:00

Why I LOVE Autumn~

Walking my dog is such a treat!
I love shuffling amid pretty leaves!
The Pumpkin Ales are divine brews!
The geese flying overhead call, harsh and exciting!
I get to practice being blind for real! and I am not afraid:) just curious.
There is wood smoke in the air and earthy musty smells underfoot!
Some mornings I see through a grey foggy veil, pretty cool!
The sunrise and sunsets are in slow motion!
My schedule slows to a snail's pace.
I sleep deeper.
My sock selection is eclectic!
Each week a new soup to discover and prepare for Us.
I love the soft light of candles and fire on the hearth.
We get to rake Autumn rainbow leaves.

Whew! We do LOVE Autumn, and it's my birthdayand many many of my friend's too. Parties every few days, and We do love celebrating our Blessed lives!

2011-11-04T09:14:00.000-07:00

This week of re entry has been challenging. I felt great about coming home, I was ready. . .often I cry, anticipating 'reality', not this time!
Upon waking Monday, I realized the fetal position would serve my need nicely. Although I arose to sit in meditation, I was frozen to the bone. From 84 degrees to thirty one in five hours; from Summer glow to Winter's icy grip. We needed groceries, mail and Mirage! So I had to push past my primal need. At two I was back in bed. Mirage and I needed this down time together. Dan went to work without a whimper:) When Mirage and I awoke from our nap I knew that was what we needed:to thine own self be true!
Tuesday I swore to lie low but the remodeling men ousted us from bed early. Hammering and sawing assaulted my senses, there was no place to hide. Dan and I returned to our swim class. Days ago I slept to the sounds of waves lapping the beach and felt it's salty rhythmic pull on my legs underwater. I have found such comfort in aqua core class Our daily swims in Maui, such ease, joy, laughter!
A night of quiet at last cuddled with Mirage by the fire.
Wednesday was another day of retreat and walking Mirage. Thursday I know it was necessary to begin my reluctant journey into the present. To Connect outside the home. I scheduled a ride to yoga and wanted to cancel. I was not ready. The sun is warm and Mirage and I lay outdoors together, we doze, cool breath inside sun kissed bodies. The two week vacation with Dan was perfect, every minute of everyday together.
And the swimming! Such raw pleasure to be free in water. . . .my new love. I 've stepped back from yoga and the intensity of self study.
Yoga is in everything! The practice pervades all I do, it is my breath and my open heart. I set my practice aside for the week to relax into the present. Can't everything be perfect just the way it is? I am pausing often to forgive my lovely body and geneticly programed to degenerate eyes. It was real to be back in class, opening my heart and holding my truth compassionately. t
This post is really about being Free and Hiding.
The freedom a trip to Hawaii brings is bittersweet. Because I can pass as sighted when accompanied by Dan who loves and guides me. The painful transition occurs when I step back into my life and find contentment by loving the life I have!
Reentry is also a good time to take inventory of the life I have created. Let's keep the freedom in the life I have. embrace Mirage, my sweet good guide. Counting my Blessings!

2011-10-28T11:23:00.000-07:00

We are going to a fundraiser tonight at the Maui Brewing Company. Proceeds benefit Hawaiian Canines for Independence.

2011-10-28T10:21:00.000-07:00

Today I am graced to view this art entitled Lanai Dalmation. too bad I have no photos until we get home. It's a dog and I miss mine:/ I admit I also enjoy not being blind. . . . .

2011-10-27T10:31:00.000-07:00

My sweet dog reminder today is a brief look at an Unleashed Chardonnay wine label as we were dining at the Hali'i maile General Store! . . .
I was about to photograph the label, when . . .woosh! 'out, Damn Spot!'
The motto was, "bark less, Wag more!
I have learned this from my Dear Mirage.

2011-10-27T10:20:00.001-07:00

Grace in action, a man and his yellow lab walk confidently by our Lokilani Condominiums just as we are leaving.
I get my guide dog FIX...

2011-10-26T11:56:00.000-07:00

Dan tries on sleeveless muscle shirts in Lahaina and decides this look is not for him. The silver lining to the story is I catch a snapshot of this black Labrador t shirt. Warming my heart! Later as we slide among the waves I offer to make him a sleeveless tee. . . .OMG, where did that come from?
"Mama Mia!" char is here

2011-10-24T22:46:00.001-07:00

This year my heart breaks and the tears spill to say go0d bye to Mirage.
She looked at me so plantively. Time to enlist the aid of the glass traveller Mirage II.

2011-10-21T12:41:00.000-07:00

I Will Not Die an Unlived Life
I will not die an unlived life
 I will not live in fear of falling
 Or of catching fire 
I choose to inhabit my days
 To allow my living to open me 
Making me less afraid
 More accessible
 To loosen my heart
 So that it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise
 I choose to risk my significance.
 To live so that that which comes to me as seed
 Goes to the next as blossom
 And that which comes to me as blossom 
Goes on as fruit.
by Dawna Markova
. . . . . . . . . .

Still chewing on when saying "no" is appropriate and when fear has a strangle hold.
Logic tells me to stop analyzing. Sit with the feelings that arise and take notice.

2011-10-20T07:10:00.000-07:00

Six a.m. stewing. I rise to meet my sweet dog, "hmph, hmph!"
I say, "Hi, Hi" in return.
It's so dark until seven nowadays.
I settle into my formal seat and feel for the matchbox and square votive. I light the tiny white candle that clears the dark space.
"May the Longtime sun shine upon you
All love surround you
and the pure light within you
lead your way on."
I cherish this self blessing song.
Welcome to the Season of Blindness! Truly I never see it coming on the heels of Summer and just a few weeks into Autumn.
(Lots of frustration last night.)
In dharma class at 4:00, my 3:30 ride comes for me at 3:50 something. I choose to be gracious. Arriving late, I try to find a space within the large circle. I am outside the circle. and the props to ease the time on the floor. the longtime Sun dips and the writing assignment is impossible. I am writing lines of words on top of the last line. I do my best to get 'the assignment' and swear next week I will bring a black felt pen, and flashlight, maybe glasses. The class ends and I am staying for the yoga. I need to find an empty mat as classes transition, to make a payment at the desk, deliver something to a classmate in the darkened room, find my shoes and get Mirage outside to potty and back. The clock is ticking. Each of these tasks requires so much 'fortitude' focus and kindness towards my self. I promise not to hurry, but to breathe often and notice where I feel it. I take a moment here and there to smile upon a face I recognize.
Mirage is perfect. After class, she leads me out into the darkness and to our waiting red VW bug, although my neighbor keeps reaching over her to grab my arm and jerk me to a stop.
This will take practice to train my neighbor to Trust Mirage to take me.
Tonight is the Artists' Reception and country dancing. Last week I was sure I could get dropped off at the clubhouse with relative ease. How my friends implore me to come! Dance! getting there at 7 and 8 and staying til nine and arranging a ride home seem like such 'work'. Worries about pottying Mirage, the rain and umbrellas and slick shoes on dark pavement arise.
Also my friends are here from St. Louis, attending a massage therapist's convebtion. She is Welsh-South African, He is blind. Although she is sighted but they have no car. They are staying in downtown Portland and would like to see me on Friday. It's too much for Dan to drive me in, them home and back to work. My neighbor offers to drop me off at the hotel to meet them for dinner and then she would meet her daughter who works nearby,for dinner. I agree and begin to make arrangements.
Then the reality of getting dropped off near Lloyd Center creeps in. Darkness, rain, Mirage and I have no clue: the layout of the hotel lobby or restaurant. How are we to navigate this space, crowded with the convention people crowding after dark.
As I lay in bed I realize why my mother spent her time at home alone. Maybe she wasn't 'hiding', maybe she was protecting her nervous system from more fear and anxiety which can tax the adrenal glands as I can to testify to right now.
I think it will take a paring down of my busy schedule Soon.

2011-10-18T08:36:00.000-07:00

My brother looks older today. . . his sixty sixth birthday. We are enjoying breakfast at the Cup and Saucer on Northeast Killingsworth near his hovel. I don't use the term lightly.
I sit facing him with Dan on my left and Mirage tucked under the table between us. We have the same mother and father and the same retinitis pigmentosa gene for blindness. His came on when he was twenty; a budding college student at the University of Portland. He lost all sight in one eye and all but a square inch in the other. The blindness robbed him of many opportunities even though he has an IQ of a genius. He worked at repairing bicycles and never dated, A mangy German Shepherd his only companion. He rode a bicycle in Portland when it was unsafe and walked too fast, slamming into sandwich board advertising at intersections.
When I was a dental hygienist in Portland he would come for lunch waiting patiently for me to finish my last patient, then we would go to Meier and Frank's buffet and I would describe each item on the line. He would continue eating long after I had paid and returned to work.
He has the Heart of Gold. He serves on his neighborhood steering committee. He works tirelessly at the Food Pantry each Thursday, where he stocks and bags food for those more needy.
Annually he anticipates with dread, having his home inspected by the State, so he can continue to receive a housing voucher. When volunteers come in and sort through his belongings they often discard his belongings which might resemble trash. They rearrange his attempts at filing important documents. This year only one came to help. She called to tell me that he appears to be in extreme stress, unclean, unshaven and loosing weight. His home reflects his angst.
He stares vacantly past my concerned eyes onto the street. He pulls a letter from his vest pocket. It is from Social Security. They are informing him that his $312.00 stipend will no longer be a source of comfort. He is turning sixty six and is now eligible to receive his retirement pension. What pension? The one he earned repairing bicycles to give to the needy?
I look into his downcast eyes. Reaching out, I hold his clammy unresponsive hand. He lifts his eyes, they are my Mother's; hazel eyes with dancing glints of aqua, gold and olive brown. I see my mother and all humanity in those marvelous vacant eyes.

2011-10-15T09:15:00.000-07:00

Since the Silent Retreat I have been noticing new thoughts arise. One that I am working with in soul collage and journaling and even in my dreams (subconsciously) is the loss of power one feels in the course of loosing one's eyesight. To surrender one's career and have no income is cause to feel powerless, as is surrendering one's license to operate a car safely. No wheels! no income! I challenge you to see your life without these 'essentials'. . . . how would loosing your sight and mobility at age 62 create new opportunities in your life? I am still looking for a way to serve and regain my Presence with Grace.
My mother dealt with this and became very controlling in her days as a 'shut in'. She would hide the mail and sell my dad's things, behaviors I did not understand. I am beginning to think that these acts were a result of having lost her personal power to act. Above, my Fall Soul Card, intended to celebrate Autumn shows a pumpkin woman. . .
My recent Soul Collage cards depict two people under water: a seahorse, a woman with broken legs, and a gold fish trapped under a rock.

In addition, I dreamed that I was sitting at the edge of a burial hole filled with mannequin torsos. I cried, "Help daddy, Help" Dan was standing next to me and wasn't ready. I said, "I can place my foot here," but instead, things happened too fast. I was sucked down into the pit. Before my eyes grey dust particles rising. I had been dematerialized.

Just saying, my subconscious is hard at work. I found a sore on Mirage's back right thigh last night while brushing her. It's small. We'll need to have GDB check it out on Saturday when we kennel her during our vacation in Maui.

Legs!
(Did I mention,I swim two or three times a week, and am getting my legs waxed on Thursday?) Legs, legs and more legs

2011-10-11T07:52:00.000-07:00

Silence

A day of silence

Can be a pilgrimage in itself.

A Day of Silence
Can help you listen
To the Soul play
Its marvelous lute and drum.

Is not most talking
A crazed defense of a crumbling fort?

I thought we came here
To surrender to Silence,

To yield to Light and Happiness,

To Dance within
In celebration of Love's Victory!

~Hafiz

"Unplugged: A (Mostly) Silent Retreat"
in Opening Circle we were asked to share why we chose to come on this particular retreat. "Because it scares me!", was my reply.
Whenever a fear arises within me I need to pursue that to the end.
The night before leaving I enjoyed dinner with friends at 360 and the tears surfaced unexpectedly. I am crying and need to go home and pack. . . .they were very supportive.

"have a wonderful trip and experience this week-end. remember if anyone is mean we'll come and get you! i look forward to hearing about it and seeing you when you get back. j"

My friends arrived and we were off to Gearhart by the Sea. Sundari was waiting with open arms.

Those who had gone before were relaxing and settling into their rooms. I noticed a shortness of breath.
Our Mostly Silent Retreat was only 48 hours. What did I fear? I spend more time alone
than most people, and I am not a 'talker'. I found that in Allowing the quiet, so much is ready to whisper from my heart of hearts.

"When the noise is gone, there is only God."

10 Reasons to Retreat with your Shanti Peeps

1. Feast on the Beauty in one another, hold sacred space.
2. Be well fed and celebrate God in each bite.
3. Tune into your senses: ears, nose, eyes, mouth, skin and brain.
4. Meditate in divine community.
5. Meditate as your fingers plunge into clay.
6. Meditate as you thread each mala bead, count your blessings name them one by one.
7. Journal and color to your Heart's content.
8. Walk on the beach, run on the beach, lay on the Beach, smell the Beach.
9. Create offerings for an altar.
10. Practice Yoga or Meditate when the Spirit moves you

The 'Mostly' part refers to the time we spent checking in with one another. This Sacred Space helped us to empty of thoughts and feelings: to process, so we could receive More~
And flow with the Grace that washes through our days. . . (Danna Faulds).

My work is still unfolding. I witness my abandonment issues. Then my lack of personal power became evident as I wrote the first draft of my eulogy. Just now I am wondering why I didn't use my dog in her guide dog capacity, preferring to see her as a pet. So much lovely work awaits for me to ponder.
I do appreciate the getting very quiet and will need to retreat in Silence again soon.
I am NOT afraid :)
Fondly, Susan

2011-10-04T08:32:00.000-07:00

I hear these words, "Our beloved Shanti Yoga is going to the Dogs!"
Looking up I see another yoga student entering with her sweet, black, lanky Inez. Mirage notices immediately. As she leads Inez by us, both dogs are eager for an opportunity to mingle, But they remember who they are!

Mirage who is settled on her mat is content simply to watch as they settle. For the next hour and a half these two dogs lie motionless, well, except for their hearts beating and sweet breath deepening. Often students leaving class will remark,"Has your dog been here the whole time? Why, I never knew!"

Inez leaves by the east door, Mirage the west. There's a good chance these two will meet again each Monday. Inez is in the process of being socialized to many circumstances and will be studying stillness for about another year. Then she'll return to the GDB campus where trainers will teach her to be a Guide Dog! While guide dogs are in harness they are focused on caring for their blind companion. When the harness comes off they are All Dog and perfectly behaved.

(The Shanti is not going to the dogs:)

2011-10-03T20:05:00.000-07:00

“They too, are created by the same loving hand of God which Created us...It is our duty to Protect Them and to promote their well-being.”—Mother Teresa.

The first Sunday in October is for The Blessing of the Pets. . . .we look forward to this celebration and consecration service. Mirage has been blessed every year she has resided in our household. After an impressive mound of canned pumpkin we are off to Augustana Lutheran Church in Northeast Portland. We are the last to arrive so Mirage impressively leads me down the center aisle, past chihuahuas, dachshounds and terriers, cats and bunny rabbits. When it is time for the Blessing she seems to be hungry again or distracted by all the scents underfoot.

Take one~ Take two~ Take three~

This custom is conducted in remembrance of St. Francis of Assisi’s love for all creatures.

Francis, whose feast day is October 4th, loved the larks flying about his hilltop town. He and his early brothers, staying in a small hovel, allowed themselves to be displaced by a donkey.
At Franciscan churches, a friar with brown robe and white cord often welcomes each animal with a special prayer. The Blessing of Pets usually goes like this:

“Blessed are you, Lord God, maker of all living creatures. You called forth fish in the sea, birds in the air and animals on the land. You inspired St. Francis to call all of them his brothers and sisters. We ask you to bless this pet. By the power of your love, enable it to live according to your plan. May we always praise you for all your beauty in creation. Blessed are you, Lord our God, in all your creatures! Amen.”

2011-10-02T07:10:00.001-07:00

Waking up in need of Forgiveness, feelings of shame, grief and despair arise. I settle onto my cushion and fall forward to release the burden. Mirage is there to wrap her paw around me and lick my face. Dogs deserve more credit :) I draw my Grace card. . . .

Grace
She takes the blame
She covers the shame
Removes the stain
It could be her name

Grace
It's a name for a girl
It's also a thought that changed the world
And when she walks on the street
You can hear the strings
Grace finds goodness in everything

Grace, she's got the walk
Not on a ramp or on chalk
She's got the time to talk
She travels outside of karma
She travels outside of karma
When she goes to work
You can hear her strings
Grace finds beauty in everything

Grace, she carries a world on her hips
No champagne flute for her lips
No twirls or skips between her fingertips
She carries a pearl in perfect condition

What once was hurt
What once was friction
What left a mark
No longer stings
Because grace makes beauty
Out of ugly things

Grace makes beauty out of ugly things

Music: U2
Lyrics: Bono

2011-09-29T09:22:00.000-07:00

Mirage is Back to her 'regular' routine!

Opportunity

'When four wild turkeys

burst from a drainage

ditch to race across a

field, that could have

been enough. Or

the rainbow cloud, a

diffuse prism in midair,

or the ribbon of stars

in the Milky Way on

a clear night. Moments

like these are opening

for discovery, and

remembrance; instances

when the veil between

the worlds grows thin

and there is a chance for

awakening. So many

opportunities to see

right through the

illusion that bind me

up in knots,

to cut the

tangled rope without

untying, to pierce the

silence with a song of

such originality and

loveliness that a flock

of geese grow quiet,

just to hear,

and the

prayer plant on the

window sill lifts

her leaves to listen.

by Danna Faulds

2011-09-26T14:19:00.000-07:00

Words
I don't take your words/ merely as words/ far from it /
I listen to what makes you talk / and me listen.
-Shinkichi Takahashi

I have some concerns

Mirage has been a little reluctant lately to "Rise and Shine!" When I wake her to go out walking or to teach yoga classes she opens one eye and peers at me. I say with enthusiasm, "Let's go! girl!" She stares blankly at me. So when she doesn't feel like going I must strike out alone. I don't like to command her when she looks punk. Dan sharply states,"Mirage, come!" Dan sometimes offer, "She doesn't have a choice honey. . . .". Which made me wonder, why not? Would it be in her best interest not to work?
At eight a dog is reviewed for health issues and a general appraisal, as many retire in these coming years.

Not only does she not choose to work, she works more slowly; until I command, "hop up". . .which means come on, lets get a move on. I do this when she dawdles as we are crossing streets. We don't want to be run down by a golf cart (like our neighbor was).

Calling Malinda, our graduate services representative, she returned our call and left the following message:

"Hi Susan, I am certain that your instincts are right and the slowing you are seeing
with Mirage are related to the first signs of her doing some aging. If you try to hop her up and she isn't able to go faster then that might make her feel guilty. So what I would say if she's distracted, hop her up but if you think she's doing her best then you probably need to make a few adjustments to what your pace has been in the pace. You might see some improvements as the weather gets cooler, the dogs usually love it when we get some cooler weather. And some folks are able to make those adjustment as the dogs age and some folks need to maintain that same pace. and that's what determines when it's time to retire their dog.I think we need to talk the week of October 3rd. We'll follow up and get some more details from you."

To retire would mean she becomes our pet, career change dog or her puppy raiser Ellery has first choice to claim her and love her into her senior days. I will pause and then retrain for another guide.

I want to do the humane thing by Mirage, my sweet and faithful companion. It breaks my heart to even consider her retirement. Recently I am walking into walls and feel so blind as the light lessens outside and early in the evening.

More grief on the horizon, Good grief!!
and a pretty picture of my Mirage

"

2011-09-25T09:26:00.000-07:00

The Peace of Wild Things
When despair for the world grows in me  and I wake in the night at the least sound  in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be, I go and lie down where the wood drake  rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds. I come into the peace of wild things  who do not tax their lives with forethought  of grief. I come into the presence of still water. And I feel above me the day-blind stars  waiting with their light. For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.
— Wendell Berry

We are squeezing one last camp out from the first day of Autumn. We have been invited to Amboy, to a sleepover at Judy's house. She has a black labrador named Holly. Mirage did not know what joy was in store for her:) As we reached the gate she looked out the window and began wagging.. I opened the car door and removed her harness. She bounded off!
We've been here four or five times. The first time Mirage stayed at my side in Harness, the whole evening long. Little by little, I have allowed her more freedom. I am still anxious if she is out of my sight. There are acres of mowed and manicured beds to explore. The worry is the garden, berry arbors and orchard where fallen plums and apples abound. Yes, I did allow her to graze.

We set up our tent at sunset, then settled into the log home for vegetarian chili. The night was not so much cool as it was wet with dew. We sipped red wine and spooned mouthfuls of chili beans laced with garden tomatoes, cumin, coaco and cinnamon.
We visited until my ears could hold no more.
I realized that I spend most of my days and nights alone with Mirage; and we don't talk! At yoga, Sundari does the talking. The joyful banter was deafening and slightly abrasive:) :The Essence of community divine sisterhood!
We retired to our tent at 11 p.m.
Mirage and I spooned for nearly four hours and poked our heads from the opening to gaze at the constellations, one star at a time! The dew kept falling. We zipped ourselves back in when the coyotes began to howl excitedly. We dozed, sipping the refreshing night air, our breaths humming contently.
At 2:30 we were awakened when the noisy chatter suddenly ceased! The quiet was eerie and slightly disarming. I woke up Mirage and we ran to the house. Luckily the door was unlocked.

We crawled upstairs with the aid of a flashlight and crawled into bed with Frances.
In the morning we awoke to the chickens bug bugging and rooster crowing it's sun salutations. Piling out of bed we raced downstairs and outdoors to eat, water and relieve. What a beautiful day to behold!

2011-09-20T14:14:00.000-07:00

Aqua Core class begins today~
Our Summer of water aerobics with Mark at the outdoor Fairway Village pool is over. We have learned that Mark also teaches at the Waterford, a very exclusive residence for wealthy pensioners. Luckily, their health club accepts people who don't have residences there. We are thankful that we can afford this facility and it's within walking distance for Mirage and me.

On Sunday we toured the facility. These employees cater to the elderly and disabled, for if we are lucky enough to live so long, we all will be someday! I could not get over how nice and accommodating they were. I had a remarkable guided tour of the dressing room and when I asked where Mirage could be while I was in the water they showed me to a nearby bench where Mirage could lay down and watch us.

Dan started the core class on Tuesday. I cut my thumb while washing the food processor (and talking) so I had was sporting a band aid, and not 'allowed' in the pool. I sat and watched the class work out. Some thought I was a new instructor:)

While Dan was in the changing room, I asked to reschedule my class on Friday. and was perusing the aquatics schedule. The woman looked at my thumb and said all we need is a finger cot and a little tape to secure this band aid. So thoughtful to take an interest.

Everyone is excited to have a dog in their midst. There 'refined' personnel will be a pleasure to spend time with this Fall!

2011-09-17T09:03:00.000-07:00

Keeping Watch

In the morning
When I began to wake,
It happened again--

That feeling
That you, Beloved,
Had stood over me all night
Keeping watch,

That feeling
That as soon as I began to stir

You put Your lips on my forehead
And lit a Holy lamp
Inside my heart.

"It happened again" last night, I left Mirage at home. Sadly, because I had been invited to an outdoor concert on the Columbia River. I sure have a lot of regrets. My friend and I agreed we would be gone two hours; from 5-7 in the evening. Of course we were an hour later, but that's not what this story is about!
I left Mirage home (again) because I think I can't work her in a crowd, when there is no route, after dark, when my back is in spasm, where there are other dogs, where there is food on the ground. I am really informing you of my lack as a handler to suggest so many challenging scenarios.
Now for the AWAKE part of the story. Judy, the musician's mother, had invited us to attend and she brought her black lab Holly. Holly and Judy are so attentive to one another. Holly's eyes rarely leave Judy and Judy's hands rarely are not stroking Holly. A lovely sight to behold. As soon as we were seated a man approached her and asked to say hello to Holly. Judy relied that Holly would enjoy being greeted. (This puts me off when I don't know what someone has on mind by 'greeting".)
He states that he loves dogs and is right behind us with a retired guide dog from Guide Dogs for the Blind. I turn to see a large black lab and smile as his wife. Judy tells him I have a guide. I don't think he quite understands. At the intermission I go back to speak with him and ask to say hello to Carl. His story~ Card was taken from his blind person at the age of three. The blind person could 'not transition from a cane to a dog' due to Trust issues? and the dog was mistreated. . . not fed. So the school retrieved Carl and tried to restore him to his former confident self, but the dog refused to work. "I did that and look what my reward was."
Well, I was rather stunned. Thoughts of how I have ruined Mirage crossed my mind. This Summer I have failed to put her in harness and use her properly, enjoyed the freedom of seeing. Will she be able to pull it all back together when the dark days of Fall return and I need a guide dog?
I think this moment of Grace was a wake up call. I had better be very intentional about re training when my back and left side heal.

2011-09-16T11:11:00.001-07:00

I have come to drag you out of yourself and take you in my heart. I have come to bring out the beauty in you, and lift you like a prayer to the sky. ~Rumi

I am surrendering to God as the pain in my back is severe. Happy to lay low and feel supported. Mirage is a wonderful companion in such times, though I must ask someone to walk her~

2011-09-15T10:34:00.000-07:00

Awakening Now by Danna Faulds

Why wait for your awakening?

The moment your eyes are open, seize the day.

Would you hold back when the Beloved beckons?

Would you deliver your litany of sins like a child’s collection of sea shells, prized and labeled?

“No, I can’t step across the threshold,” you say, eyes downcast.

“I’m not worthy” I’m afraid, and my motives aren’t pure.

I’m not perfect, and surely I haven’t practiced nearly enough.

My meditation isn’t deep, and my prayers are sometimes insincere.

I still chew my fingernails, and the refrigerator isn’t clean.

“Do you value your reasons for staying small more than the light shining through the open door?

Forgive yourself.

Now is the only time you have to be whole.

Now is the sole moment that exists to live in the light of your true Self.
Perfection is not a prerequisite for anything but pain.

Please, oh please, don’t continue to believe in your disbelief.

This is the day of your awakening.

From: Go In and In:
Poems From the Heart of Yoga

2011-09-14T21:53:00.000-07:00

Soul Collage
Is a registered trademark and process created by Seena Frost a wise lovely woman. I have attended a few classes now which are led by Kathryn King a gifted facilitator with a degree in Social Work and Divinity. The process creates 5 x 8 inch cards that are a window in to the Soul. I have found joy in making 20 cards and invited friends to come 'make merry'. At times the process is painful, as in looking at Longing. . .

Blessed be the longing that brought you here
And quickens your soul with wonder.

May you have the courage to listen to the voice of desire
That disturbs you when you have settled for something safe.

May you have the wisdom to enter generously into your own unease
To discover the new direction your longing wants you to take.

May the forms of your belonging - in love, creativity and friendship
Be equal to the grandeur and the call of your soul.

May the one you long for long for you.

May your dreams gradually reveal the destination of your desire.

May a secret Providence guide your thought and nurture your feeling

May your mind inhabit your life with the sureness with which your body inhabits the world.

May your heart never be haunted by ghost-structures of old damage.

May you come to accept your longing as divine urgency.

May you know the urgency with which God longs for you.

-John O'Donohue

But our work is easier when we work in groups with people who honor our Journey. KK invited me to join a group for a six week series. I did not hesitate to say, "Yes!"
I am curious to learn more about my soul and be more purposeful, happier and less conflicted in my life. I still carry the ghost-structures of old damage :)
I say this with a Twinkle in my eyes. I am ready.

2011-09-14T21:43:00.000-07:00

Praying
It doesn't have to be
the blue iris, it could be
weeds in a vacant lot, or a few
small stones; just
pay attention, then patch

a few words together and don't try
to make them elaborate, this isn't
a contest but the doorway

into thanks, and a silence in which
another voice may speak.

Mary Oliver

2011-09-09T09:01:00.000-07:00

I am conflicted about bringing Mirage to dinner. I am feeling sad and guilty for leaving her. I am here now after a short bus ride. I am afraid and excited at this challenge.

Last week i decided."I will not die an unlived life!" (Dawna Markova) Often I want to go somewhere and after calling my favorite go-to friends I feel personally rejected and more alone if they already have plans. I feel apologetic that I'll be bringing Mirage who needs special accommodations (potty breaks, home by four, a table in the corner so she is not under foot, a green space for potty breaks.)

So I read about this opportunity to stretch myself by attending a Ninkasi Brewer's Dinner alone at 360 Pizzeria. The menu was everything I delight in: scallops, arugula and caramel! The chicken may be boxed up as a treat for Dan,as I await the moment, I still have no regrets about making a reservation to dine with 25 strangers!
Heck, its Oktoberfest at my favorite and very familiar restaurant and C van provides door to door service.
It's time to be seated:)

As I slide in I am calculating where a single can be seated as not to upset the couples seating. I choose a seat opposite an empty chair. The lady to my left says her group is waiting for Tony. I am waiting too :/

Tony arrives in a polo shirt and flashy smile! I recognize him. He's a regular here. We strike up an easy conversation and we discover his daughter is a friend of mine.I send her a note on Facebook and she responds:

Hi Susan,
Rachel Maroudas commented on her Wall post.
Rachel wrote: "WOW no way WOW Susy love I love you and him!!! and all of this tell him hello for me please NEAT:) you all have fun!!! lol"

Amazing! He offers to walk me to the bus after the meal if I need assistance. I decline, but he checks on me to make sure I am okay all is well on his way to his car.
The dinner is wonderful on this late Summer's night. A scallop in arugula pesto. A roasted red tomato soup with fresh basil. The chicken with chantarelles over a mound of mashed potatoes spiked with horseradish. And a scoop of vanilla bean ice cream floating in a caramel pool with oatmeal raisin cookies.
Each course was paired with a complimentary beer from the brewers. I learned that Ninkasa was the Sumerian Goddess of Fermentation:) who knew!

Mirage was happy to greet me upon my return. I was sedate after so many flavorful beers. We enjoyed our reunion and somehow I felt empowered and stretched. This was a successful evening of being a little fearful and riding that wave with Grace.

Rilke in my heart of hearts~

2011-09-08T09:14:00.001-07:00

"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer." — Rainer Maria Rilke

Summer dwindles~

2011-09-08T09:01:00.000-07:00

Well, September is here, bringing unseasonal heat! Mirage and I are managing to stay on top of the garden watering and prefer to take our walks just before dark once the sun has set. She's a good little walker. I haven't put her in harness this Summer for our excursions in the neighborhood. Since my second cataract surgery my eyes are SO good (for a blind person) I prefer to just walk with her. Last year I enjoyed bicycling you may recall. This year, walking 'unharnessed'.A walk on the wild side!In most neighborhoods this wouldn't be possible. In Fairway Village, the streets are wide and most neighbors are in bed before dark. Golf carts hum by occasionally, mostly other residents and their small dogs. Mirage, unfettered my her working dog image, is free to sniff and swirl like the other 'kids' on the block.I may be sending mixed messages to the neighbors. Is she or isn't she blind? I am an enigma even to myself. I like to push for independence as long as I am able. Some of this is Summer denial. With such lovely, abundant light I can see in safe ample spaces. It's like walking on the beach, who am I going to run into?Two weeks ago Dan and Mirage and I took a hike at Skamania Lodge. The trail was narrow. Mirage, harnessed in the lead, led us up and over hill and dale single file. More like a sled dog!. I am good at following. We would not do this is the terrain was steep with sheer walls plunging. We wouldn't do this alone or with the hiking club. We can do this because Dan is along, ensuring our safe travels.Another activity we have enjoyed this Summer is dancing at the clubhouse. The clubhouse is four blocks away, we meander along the golf cart path. We dance the waltz in Swedish and Spanish styles. The ballroom floor is wood with a carpeted surround. We simply follow the perimeter.My days of denial are going to need reckoning soon. I scurry home by eight like Cinderella. My golden pony Mirage returns to her guide dog status. When there is dim light or darkness I am again the blind lady on 157th Avenue.What's a little summertime fun? The consequences are depression and anxiety. I have managed to believe that I am so much more than my eyes for a Season. Now the reality of my vision loss looms. I wonder about drawing in to a state of contentment at home; always home by dark. Filling our evenings with books on tape and house cleaning. The option is to Risk everything. fling open the opportunity to Live more fully and often suffer the anxiety of exceeding my comfort.Time will tell. There must be balance, but until I am over the top I am coping so well. My friends like to coddle me and want to show their careful concern, and I dismiss them in favor of feeling free. Only to beg for their assistance when I am at my wit's end.Oh, Susan. . . . .

2011-04-02T08:44:00.000-07:00

It's been some weeks now, since we posted. Lately our blog seems like story telling and reliving the past. So I, with the genuine partnership of my ever amazing dog Mirage, am simply enJOYing la dolce vida: the Good Life!

I have taken some photos, which maybe I can call up to go with this brief narrative of our last month's activities.
We're sleeping well and rising to sit formally, Mirage has a bone she loves to gnaw. It has become like background music.

We took down our two month art show at the Unitarian Church, selling seven paintings, which helps the church as they make 15% of my sales, and I made $700. I love sharing my paintings, and know where at least one painting went.

I have spent two weeks on Ancestry.com. My free trial membership expired as my right should gave out and my fingers could no longer make small movements. I am on the mend.
Twenty years ago my great aunt sent me a packet of our genealogy. Suddenly I needed todive in and read each document. The application form for the DAR (Daughters of the American Revolution) were all but complete. I knew I was of Swedish and Scottish descent, but I am thrilled to learn of my Irish ness. I have traced seven generations of my genetic link. In the evenings Mirage and I put on our Celtic music and jig together.

I have committed to painting on Friday mornings with my art group at the clubhouse. I find I love community more and more.
Two paintings were chosen for the Insights Chicago show and I am entering another in Southern California called, Shared Visions, by the 13th of May.

I am the featured artist at the Clubhouse this month, there will be a reception on May 5th. Mirage and I will have a speaking part. . .what to share with my neighbors. How I have been blessed to express my Joy with watercolors? A speech is indicated.

Also my only 'new year resolution' has come to fruition. Gerri Berger from our art group called. She asked if I would like to teach dancing with her.
Of course I said, "yes", my resolution is to dance as much as possible. We meet in the ballroom on Thursdays at 7. Mirage gets to watch as we do the Swedish Waltz, the Spanish Waltz and now the Schottiche. I do love dancing! After an hour we walk home in the dark and I get to practice fearlessness. It's a lovely neighborhood, but I don't seek out traveling in the dark, so here is an opportunity to decline a ride home, and strike out in the moonlight. Mirage is a great Guide!

Another new venture is Soul Collage. It may be an art form of the future for me. Right now it's therapeutic and intuitive. We began with a guided meditation and moved into our art process, making cards with images that speak to our hearts. I kept coming up with deer, elk and other ungulates that travel in herds, are sturdy, look graceful and persevere. As we 'read' the card we say, ' I am One who. . . ." and there is a scribe to take down our words. Mirage as always earned a great deal of respect as she dozed for these 4 hours.

I love the balance there is in my life these days. Time alone, time with Dan, time with Mirage, and all the quiet the evening provides,as my Lenten journey unfolds, I have turned off the television for seven weeks. TV has filled endless hours of my life. It has been very satisfying to listen to music, meditate or get out in the evening, really living my life, not watching some other's as entertainment.

Enough for now.
Respectfully submitted,with deep Love, SuzyG

2011-03-04T14:53:00.000-08:00

Today Mirage had her annual wellness appointment at the Cascade Park Animal Hospital.
She behaved perfectly; she hopped from the car, with only a few sniffs, found the door , we entered and she sat. The receptionist weighed Mirage at 67.2. We were escorted to examination room #4. She began to sniff flagrantly, lips flared and breathing heavily. She explored every inch of the room, zeroed in on 'a spot' acting primative, she started peeing! Puddles of pee. Something had triggered an ancient instinct. I explained to the nice lady that she had never (!!!) (Ever!!!) done anything like this before.
I am so happy to have seen this with my own eyes.
They moved us to examination room #3.
The tech entered took her temp which was 101 degrees. He removed her fecal sample to the lab. "
Is she was 'mostly' an indoors or outdoors dog?",he asked. I was stymied.

The young doctor entered. She greeted Mirage and pronounced her "perfect!" Next year she'll be considered a senior and require full blood work up, which I will ask Guide Dogs for the Blind if they feel this is necessary.

I wanted to know what the doc thought of her relieving. Because I am reading Merle's Door I am thinking something in her flared nostrils relayed some message to her sweet brain which shot a signal to her kidneys, Release!
Dr. said, there was a dingo named Dolphin in that room this morning, with pointy ears and feral dog 'notes'. . . aha!
All's well that ends well We don't need to return for some time. Mirage is obviously quite comfortable there. smirk

2011-03-04T09:13:00.000-08:00

It's official! We're going to Chicago, two of my paintings were chosen by The Guild for the Blind for it's annual Passionate Focus show. All the waiting since I mailed my entry in January has helped me detach from the result of entering. Just letting it go, and finding contentment in not hearing if we were chosen, Mirage and I settled into a nice flow each day.

In fact, my life seems like vinyasa, easy flowing and seamless. Once there were too many choices and not a clear intention. How much time to flow towards Dan, how much of my life goes to Mirage, and what about me? But now the early time is for Mirage and me, then I awaken Dan at 10, we enjoy breakfast, the gym and lunch. We have our five hours and Mirage takes a back seat. When Dan leaves for work it's our time again: painting, a walk and yoga, she crawls into bed at eight and again I find a spaciousness. In the evening I like to lay on the floor, with my legs up and listen to an audio book. Currently it's Merle's Door. I am learning about dog minds! I have been curious so long.

We are working to put the Chicago trip together for May. Airline tickets have gone up and we will swing through Omaha for a few days to see my Dad. Will Mirage go? She flies for free and is easy..... Dan likes these trips to be our time, unencumbered and'easy'.
With Mirage, we may have taxi issues, where to potty when we leave the 60th floor of the (Trump) hotel Tower for our early morning potty trip and who know what other ' obstacles' I can dream up.

I have been looking at my resistance lately :) simply, when I travel with Dan I don't require Mirage's services, but I relish her company. So she may stay at GDB for these five days.
Love, SuzyG an artist who is visually impaired and joyous.

2011-02-21T17:54:00.000-08:00

I am still on Hawaiian time, up at eight (or six) and to bed at eleven. Drowsy, I open the bedroom door and Mirage bounds towards me, I.d. tags jingling excitedly. I absently slide through the kitchen, punching the coffeemaker's on button. Shuffling through the rosemary green nap of the living room carpet, I stop when I reach the laundry room, Mirage has scrambled ahead of me and now sits at the door. She has picked up a 'friend' along the way. Ganesha watches as I load a cup of kibble into a bath of warm water. We wait three minutes until gravy forms. As I retreat, I give the okay and she slides onto the bowl, without a breath, immediately devouring. I usher her to the door and she dashes outside.At the top of the steps she gives me a confused sideways glance. are you coming or not? There is a trace of panic in her eyes. She glances down the street and her eyes return to mine.
I am not ready for the easy walk to her favorite tinkle place. She is thinking, "you sleep too long, need coffee to wake up and here I am, I've been up since sunrise, waiting to eat and I want to go now!"
Defeated, she spins and drops her morning offering on the lawn and I am quick to gather it and return to the house for my waiting coffee. We play and she licks her red kong with a slather of peanut butter. When the dust settles she dozes and I sit contentedly. She licks my fingers and I scratch her head. She adds And I love you just the way you are! Let's find time to go walks later today, And we do.
Dog is God spelled backwards you know :))))

2011-02-13T09:43:00.000-08:00

Even after the two week hiatus, we return to our formal sitting practice. Mirage mirrors my efforts to sit and gaze softly.Following the 'easy part'; meditation, I try to begin a formal daily practice. I used to do this when my vision loss commanded my attention. I surrendered my license to practice dental hygiene and to operate a car.In exchange,I experienced grief and lessened mobility. I sat at four every day to embrace these changes. Rooting into my breath and moving through a satisfying sequence. That was years ago. The more classes I take, the less responsible I have been to turn to this daily sustenance.

Bhavani Maki writes in the Yoga Hanalei's February Newsletter:
"Yoga is meant to be a regular practice! It is interesting that the Sanskrit word for practice, Abhyasa, literally means repetition. If it is not regular, it is not a practice! It takes consistent effort to make shifts in our patterns. Of course we can benefit from an occasional practice, but the deeper, far reaching effects of yoga into our nervous systems, psychology, relationships, and stress management really only take root with consistent, uninterrupted practice. Better you manage to do 10 minutes daily, then an occasional 2 hour class. You'll never know how profound the benefits can be, unless you try it out!"

So after Mirage and I sit, I move into some gentle seated twists. Revolving the joints and steadying my breathing pattern, As I move onto my knees, Mirage decides it's time to play. She darts under me moving into my soft belly and wagging furiously. "Go in and out the window". . . We enjoy a ten minute 'practice', and I realize this is a start. Timing is everything. As I write, she sleeps happily.

2011-02-09T17:44:00.000-08:00

Dan was ready to come home from Kauai. I was motivated by his attitude, to return. As is I had a choice. . .I just wasn't ready. Once home, I am happy to be here, especially with Mirage back in my arms.
I am so happy to be 'free' and independent of my blindness, while breezing across beaches and green expanses of Kauai's grasses, I forget she and I are joined at the hip and heart.
Here, she races into my arms and into my heaRt! I am not seeing her the same as before. I look into her eyes and so kindly read her mind. She tilts her head to the side and looks at me quizically. (What?) I chat with her instead of giving a clear command, she stares blankly, (What's that?) I then give her a clear gentle command. She drops her haunches as commanded.
Reading an audio book, called, Water for Elephants, has given me a new soft voice, a kindness for this animal, subjected to mis understanding. Of course, you'll need to read the book for yourself, to fully understand.
Mary Oliver writes in Wild Geese, "You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves." and I love Mirage like this! Letting no fears stand my ability to fully embrace her precious life and our boundless Love for one another.

2011-01-18T15:25:00.001-08:00

Artist's Bio~
I began painting five years ago as a way to avoid the grief of becoming blind. For me watercolor painting has opened my heart to joy and wonder, and amazement, at what can express itself through me as I find stillness.
This year I have painted to practice fearlessness. As my vision decreases I am committed to painting with the freedom of surrendering to forms, and to darkness as light for my journey.
Lacking sight allows me to be simply spontaneous, trusting and whimsical as I approach each piece curiously.
My guide dog and muse, Mirage, allows me to travel and paint to my heart's content.
Sincerely, suzyG
Here are my six entries to Passionate Focus 2011, a juried art exhibition for artists who are visually impaired. We were chosen for the show last year and had such a great time in Chicago meeting other artists and supporting The Guild for the Blind.

2011-01-17T09:11:00.000-08:00

Friday night at The Shanti Yoga Center: the sweet offering is Heather's Restorative Workshop. She is a bright, fresh basket of cheer and love, teaching her first workshop. Mirage and I arrive and are seated quickly. The next two and a half hours are a lovely offering of deep repose. The highlight is the closing... from somewhere the chords of a guitar playing Sita Ram, and Heather's angelic voice meandering the spectrum of heaven. Mirage began her muffled woofings and I roll onto one side to peer deeply into this gift of Heather's. Such beauty unfolding and me nuzzled into Mirages soft palpating heartspace. JOY!
In the next days I sit with this experience and go into such longing for teaching this style of class. I see two lines of students, facing one another, divided by a row of candles. As the teacher, I am nestled onto a blanket, pile of readings at hand. Less
conversation, we find a pose and hold it for five minutes, softening into it's sweetness. Then moving with the breath, find it's counter. Weaving contemplation into the organic presence of being Silent.
That's all. I know from studying these past ten winters in Hawaii, that this is my Love.
Bhavani Maki's Relax Deeply on Tuesday and Thursday evenings begins next week, when I steep myself into this tradition again. Namaste.

2011-01-14T09:48:00.000-08:00

I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope
For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love
For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith
But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.
Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought:
So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.

~ T.S. Eliot ~

I am so enjoying these words and phrases, shared this Winter in yoga. Winter seems to be about Darkness, and I am learning to embrace it. Even savor it. "The faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting". So Winter becomes a warm blanket and the quiet allows for the sweet dance to show itself as heartbeat and breath.

My life with Mirage is 'suddenly' falling into place as I accept it. In the 'discomfort' and awkwardness of becoming blind I have grasped at anything to soothe the sting. 'Suddenly' there is nothing 'to fix'. I have become comfortable with the discomfort of it.
Each morning Mirage and I arise to eat and sit. Then we wake up Dan. We have three hours together which include going to the gym. He golfs and I paint or teach yoga, we have lunch together and do a chore or two. Then he goes to work. The evenings are ours! A little housework, a walk, a correspondence, sitting again as the light vanishes and the shadows claim us. I have this week to complete my 6 entries for the Passionate Focus Art Exhibition in Chicago. . .
Dan and I are packing for Hawaii, we leave on the 22nd. Mirage is going to Guide Dogs for the Blind and this 60 year old prayer plant needs a home.

2011-01-08T07:24:00.000-08:00

For some time now, I have wanted to teach less yoga.
I think this is because I have been turning my attention inward and I have been working on becoming more authentic, and true to myself. There are parts of yoga that I love; Helping others find their breath, stillness, balance and ability, sharing wisdom and poetry that cuts to the heart of the yoga experience and unites us, the Practice itself as communion.
The Wednesday class began eight years ago when I became certified. We have struggled to make a go of the Friday class. It became clear that a more gentle class was needed so beginners could enter in without comparing themselves to the longtime yogis.
When I learned that my friend, Mihoko, was teaching yoga I asked her to substitute for me one Wednesday. She was delighted to! She explained that the gentle experience is where she feels comfortable teaching. An idea began to take root. I asked if she would like to teach a regular gentle class here at Fairway Village to 'seniors'. It was an interesting negociation. She did not have insurance, and the homeowners association requires it. She was unsure of this $200.investment, with no existing class in place!
I agreed to support her and wrote an article for the neighborhood newsletter. . .

She purchased the insurance and signed a contract with the Board of Directors.
The first class was yesterday.I offered to come and help with registrations, I invited my class to be present for her as they were able.
A sideline here, not teaching on Fridays allows me to paint with the artists who meet downstairs at the same time. I dropped off my supplies and headed up stairs to 'assist' Mihoko as necessary.
Mihoko, wide eyed, says, "They keep coming!"Sure enough twenty seniors are scattered across the room on mats and Mexican blankets, more streaming up the sidewalk and through the doors! Mirage and open the accordian doors and move tables and chairs to accommodate the growing crowd and settle near the door to greet late comers.
Mihoko plays a Mozart CD softly and welcomes the group to lie down and begin to find their breath. She is so at ease and 'bright', very relaxed and graciously leads the class though gentle movements. One woman rises to leave after the first stretch, Mirage and I crawl onto her blanket to demonstrate poses and breathing in the midst. I am so HAPPY, I think it's called mudita. Overjoyed to have a hand in providing this opportunity for Mihoko and the neighbors who I felt unable to serve. She ended class by saying She had been very Blessed by their presence!
I also was able to see myself as a teacher more clearly. I talk more, details are important to me. I am less comfortable with 'space'. I want to say, "breathe in, breathe out", she simply allowed people to enjoy the experience of quieting. Ah, to witness such sweetsuchness. (A lady remarks that she loved sharing space with Mirage, who settles very easily into deep breathing.)uh, huh. . . .
Next Friday, when the class is not free, who will return? We'll see how it unfolds :-)
I do know, that I can hardly wait to sub for her if she goes on vacation. And I am happier, already not being the lone yoga teacher. I feel supported :-) and very enriched today. Namaste

2011-01-07T08:57:00.000-08:00

Berta sent this sweet photo of our yoga class, taken last week. Earlier in the morning, Mirage had retreated to her mat and she may have been pouting! She likes to greet students and I had asked her specificlly to lay down!
By the end of our class she was fine. . .
"Yoga stills the fluctuations of the mind. .says Patanjali. Namaste

2010-12-30T19:03:00.000-08:00

Rumpelstiltskin by the Brother's Grimm
'Once there was a miller who was poor, but who had a beautiful daughter. Now it happened that he had to go and speak to the king, and in order to make himself appear important he said to him, "I have a daughter who can spin straw into gold."

The king said to the miller, "That is an art which pleases me well, if your daughter is as clever as you say, bring her to-morrow to my palace, and I will put her to the test."

And when the girl was brought to him he took her into a room which was quite full of straw, gave her a spinning-wheel and a reel, and said, "Now set to work, and if by to-morrow morning early you have not spun this straw into gold during the night, you must die."
CJ arrived with a car full of Shanti blankets the week of Christmas. A colorful offering it was. I said, "I bet I can wash and dry and fold all those blankets in a weeks time, or my name isn't 'suzystiltskin'. . . . And sure enough, once the beautiful peacock colored threads were counted there were sixty four. Dividing by 5 day I ascertained all I must do is wash a dozen a day. I am so happy to have THIS job. I love laundry!!! Seriously, I lovvvvvvvvve washing anything.
When we quit our jobs to move to Holden Village in 2003 I soooo wanted the laundry job. Alas, I was given the arts and crafts coordinator position. Quite taxing to my poor eyes. I would have loved to wash all the bedding .
So now you know that sixty umpteen blankets is a drop in the bucket for one who loves spinning blankets into fresh clean piles of pure enjoyment. I am nearly done, only one day remains to enjoy my task.
My husband asks , "why do you love laundry so much?" My sanskrit name is saucha ananda :-)
Mirage is enjoying the happiness it gives me. . .she gets more playtime and more cuddling when I am joyous.

2010-12-28T14:40:00.000-08:00

Mirage and I visit my M.D. today.
Dr. says, "She is becoming very comfortable here now. . ." I am thinking not good to be too comfy at Dr.s' offices.
This eye has a cracked eye lid. . .and she recommends cortisone cream. I ask if it could be nutritional deficiency, bacterial, endocrine malfunction? We don't know, may be allergy. Just use cream twice a day for two weeks and I don't need to see you again.
Is this comforting? No :-)
I could see a chiropractor named Dennis O'Brien who works with auto immune disorders.I actually committed to seeing him 'if she prescribes a steroid cream.'
So on the way to lunch I google this condition called blepharitis. It could be linked to a dysfunction of the meibomian glands which lubricate the lid. It may be attributed to a weakened immune system. Some eye doctors suggest Flaxseed oil.
We trot into Walgreens and buy some Dove for sensitive skin and 1000 mg. capsules of the Flaxseed oil with omega 6. Dr. Bonners peppermint soap goes into the cabinet.
I will try these two changes for a week and consider changing doctors. I have been on prednisone for my eyes nearly a year and in a week I can stop those drops. Why do I want to add prednisone topically?
Mirage is a good companion. She rolls with everything! I like to spin and muddle these things in my heart. Yikes~

2010-12-25T09:53:00.000-08:00

"On How to be a Manger" by Barbara Steffanus Gerniat

Be empty
Be sturdy
Be soft inside
Be still
Be ready

Pastor Jaech delivered this sweet offering as last night's Christmas Eve Sermon at Beautiful Savior Lutheran Church. It offers much to ponder in one's heart. I think Mirage excels in each of these qualities :-)

2010-12-24T09:35:00.000-08:00

Last night we were invited to the Cactus Ya Ya patron appreciation party.We arrived promptly and not one seat in the house remained. Kim rushed up to say, "You know Frank and Dianne Ryan, don't you? They are sitting right over there, why not join them?" Dianne and I share that RP gene. Franny took Ebay classes from Frank at Clark College. We thoroughly enjoyed our two hour visit and the food was spectacular as always. . . .

Mirage did not attend. I am still uncomfortable on 'first' outings, when I do not know the routine: crowded, stand up bar scene? Mirage would be lost in a sea of legs and it was very noisy.
The first thing Dianne told me was her second guide dog Fiesta died in September( and she didn't want to talk about it.) She has been grieving in outpatient program 16 hours a week at Kaiser for months. A new medication has begun to help.
She said, Don't keep Mirage until she dies. . .when she retires find a good home for her."And move on
I expect this will difficult. The sweet offering by Mary Oliver speaks to my heart today.

"to live in this world

you must be able
to do three things
to love what is mortal;
to hold it

against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go"
— Mary Oliver

2010-12-18T08:45:00.000-08:00

As you know my dog is 'Enlightened'! She sits each morning, as faithfully as I do. ( wait a moment.) Today she makes her way over rolls of wrapping paper, ribbons and scissors, to 'gaze' and to her dismay, another obstacle! She turns and looks at me as if to say, 'Please!', how is a girl to sit with all this clutter. . .
She is so darling. Throughout this month we have become so attuned to one another. I need her routine as security for my boundless life.She doesn't cuddle unless her defenses are down, meaning she's drowsy. But I accept this, a loving pat to her flank reminds me that I am not alone on these long dark nights. . I am surprised to note how the color purple has been so soothing. It's like dusk and a warm night time embrace. Last year I invited grey into my soul, and now I am blessed with 'aubergine'. . .
I am thinking of discontinuing my blog. It has become more about my practice than my faithful and sweet guide Mirage.
Perhaps I can add a blog about my practice and Mirage can take Suzy Guide Dog over. . .
That's all for now. I am just so grateful for this technology. That I can pour my Heart out here and find support and Solace for the Journey.
Namaste

2010-12-14T20:09:00.000-08:00

A Merry Christmas to you my Friends and my life's Sweet blood. I realize how much I need your smiles and warm hugs. . .How lonely I can feel when I harden our heart to you. We Are One, we are all made of stardust :-) I am learning to use the Torch of self blessing, To Celebrate the Goodness I remember throughout my life. It's a time to Count Blessings and friends;to take inventory of another year's passing.
January's cold nip found our heels swathed in sand & flip flops shuffling across the beaches of Kauai. A birthday gift in October sent us exploring Rome and the Italian coast & countryside in April. My Angels Abound painting was chosen for a show in Chicago in May. Then eye surgery in June left my eyes in worse condition. A summer of counting the blessing of vision and walking my dog, as I learned to breathe and relax and let go of seeing. Summer Camp with my Shanti yoga kula was an opportunity to practice fearlessness. I cleared my calendar to contemplate contentment in September. A trip to Maui: resplendent! Shingles virus follows me home to aid meditation skills. "Find the Good and Praise it!"
I recover and when my dad and his wife end up hospitalized in November, I am able to go help them. Dan goes to work five days a week and plans weekends that self soothe the weariness; putt and putter. . . We are blessed to be in love and well suited to one another after fifteen years. The Oregonian has been good to us. Our children and grandchildren are well.
I hope to be more of a Blessing to others in 2011. Sometimes I don't know how to serve. Sometimes I need to care for myself by doing less and Being more.
Our home and hearth are decorated deliciously, the carols play endlessly as the rain pelts our windows and our gifts wrapped and waiting for Christmas Eve. . .our favorite service of worship and Gladness. May you Abide in Joy.

2010-12-13T14:47:00.000-08:00

Our holiday is coming to Light. . .I mean Life! The purple raiments were easily gathered with Dan's help; ornaments and an egglpant, . And this sweet little creche has a place under the tree. Dan and his sister bought it at Meier and Frank when they were young children. It's nearly fifty years old.

Well, while I was at Yoga last Wednesday,Mirage took a liking to it, I really mean 'licking'. She ate all the peat moss off the roof and then ate the wooden shooting star! Not only has Mirage NEVER done anything like this before, I couldn't discipline her because all that was left where a few plywood shards.
Maybe there is a Christmas mouse in the house?

2010-12-06T07:52:00.000-08:00

Geese fly overhead. Their honking funnels down the chimney to me. Mirage sits and stares blankly at me in the pre dawn. I am tired of this too. I am simply tired. So many of the same emotions repeat themselves within me.
I can't cry because I need 'normal eyes' for surgery which is scheduled later today. Swelling would not be good. (time for another drop).
And yet, this tide of grief rises. After I sit each morning nothing. . . and more nothing.
Yesterday in an effort to assert myself, I schedule a yoga class. It seems like punishment to ride an hour and a half each way for the pleasure of the morning offering. "You have no value", is the message. And I recently learn that each one way ride costs taxpayers over $38.00! Two students offer me rides home, but to cancel a ride means a demerit.
This mind needs more to do. Efforts to flip this life with little satisfaction fail today. Television, shopping,food, wine and a half pill are not interesting either. It seems too cold to make myself walk to the gym. The normal exit strategies for grief and depression aren't working this week.
It doesn't help that Margaret spent the day I left cleaning the bathrooms after I left and ended up in bed. Or the next day she cooked a huge meal and ended up in bed again exhausted. I want to keep checking on Dad, but the message hurts me. To think that my efforts can be so haughtily repealed. ( Not sure about those words. It just hurts me.

2010-12-04T05:21:00.000-08:00

Once we were in the air, I realized a transition was in the offing. Such complete immersion in the Art of Loving. After sharing my experience with Dan (who kept up via my blog) the next step of moving back into this life. I prefer to travel through this life lightly. I find my things bind me. The home, and furniture, clothes, cleaning, eye drops! Electronic accounts and the molting maples. Moss on the pavement and what to cook today. A thanksgiving dinner plan for Sunday, with too many schedules to accommodate.
I am happy to be back into my yoga practice; sitting in my own lap and learning how to open my heart. Yesterday I cried. When Dan asked, "what is it?" I really couldn't say. Sometimes my life seems like too much and other times it seems completely absent.
Mirage is feeling displaced too. We go from a deep bonding experience to leaving her home as we navigate shops where she can't possibly 'know' what to do. Like Costco and World Market. This brings the tears, to close the door as she expects to join us on a shopping route.
Yesterday so many phone calls and struggles all before 9. My very poor brother wants to pay his friend's electric bill, but has no account information so I can facilitate this. Mihoko wants to teach yoga in FV, but has no insurance and hasn't met with the Association to sign a contract. I want to go out with my friend for a Birthday dinner and she has invited another friend who is very coarse and often drunk/ wasted. I struggle with not being whiny, and look to find a loving solution. At last I say go out with her, if she needs your time tonight. I want you all to myself. Her energy is so great and loud and overpowering I know I would be in over my head, and regret the decision to go. I would like to be more easy going with this, can't go with the flow.
I don't go looking for conflict they find me.Mostly I think, they are not mine at all. But finding contentment in the midst of anguish is a challenge.
I guess I am meant to continue to practice contentment and keep cracking open my shell.

2010-12-01T08:17:00.000-08:00

It is true I am flying HOME!
I prepare a special breakfast of French Toast for Dad and Margaret.
Then my regular chores, Dad's feet, the beds and a final vacuum. They have been gracious about the dog :-)
I take an apple and a slice for lunch on the plane. Dad drives us through South Omaha, past the home where he grew up and I spent childhoods visiting his parents. Past the zoo, and Rosenblatt Stadium, about to be demolished.

The day is snowy and we drive carefully. They drop me off near the relieving area so M can empty. . we hug and say our good byes. Margaret says, "I hope you can forgive me for anything I said or did to hurt you." Dad and I share a long embrace and sobs. No words are necessary.
The police officer asks what type of service animal I have. He leads me to the Delta desk. All goes well from there. I can find a sign when I relax and take my time. Or ask for help. Mirage tucks easily under the forward seat and is calmer on the second flight. I order a glass of wine with my pizza and that's when the tears begin. All the holding simpers out my eyes and nostrils.

It was such a good trip. Mirage works Portland Airport beautifully. We find Dan!
Dan meets us at PDX with flowers. He makes a delicious Pasta Primavera and we talk. I am homE!

2010-11-29T09:40:00.000-08:00

This morning Body, Breath and Mind united with Breathe Relax Feel Watch and Allow. The mindless Sky the 'Watcher'. Very nice. . .
And the day opens with a bang! Lots of emotions: the mood is tense. A pacemaker check at 8 by phone, an ostomy nurse at 9 and the physical therapist at 11. There is still time to strip the beds and air them, dust and clean glass tops.
We have two Dr.'s appointments after lunch. Dad pulled a groin muscle overnight and can barely walk. At last he takes two Tylenol. Margaret is also in more pain due to the rubber bands she's been using faithfully.
I think the feeling is 'dread' Margaret seems to want to test her wings. She takes the scissors to a cereal box first thing, trying with all her strength to open the new package by herself. Those rheumatoid fingers moving horizontally won't even operate scissors.
I feel so much compassion.
Dad wants to drive this afternoon and we all know he shouldn't use the gas pedal foot corresponding to the leg is severe pain.
But, they also are too determined to cancel a doctor's appointment.

At the end of the day it all works well.They feel they haven't shown me a good time :-( really? We enjoy dinner at Zio's an Italian cafe. Mirage 'can't lie down over the glass screen in the floor, so she moves.

Yikes~ Love, Susan

2010-11-28T18:47:00.000-08:00

Body like mountain, breath like wind, mind like sky, saves me and daily.
The sunrise is so beautiful, I bring my camera out at seven to snap it.
Then it's Cream of Wheat weather I repeat. . . And some raisin nut toast from Rotella's Bakery up the street.

Today is rather festive. My Aunt Connie has planned a brunch at Grandmother's Restaurant for her girls and me. It is fun to get out for two hours and relax. I made beef stew , enough for an army after breakfast and fed my parents before leaving. It should get them through the next few days. There was a peanut butter pie at the brunch that was SO good! I must find a recipe to try.
Once home we refresh beverages and Margaret announces that Donna and Harland are coming by to say good bye to me. They bring a bottle of French Bordeaux wine at 2001 Saint Emilion! It is fantastic: rich with tannins. (Donna later calls to say Dan and I gave them the wine: it came from the auction in Chicago to benefit The Guild for the Blind.)
Truly what goes around comes around!

Donna brings Chai for the folks.
The football game meanders in the background and the girls we laugh and chat.
Donna pulls me into the hallway for an Update. I have a lead on an assisted living facility called Autumn Pointe if the need should arise. We later talk about expenses at such a place would include housekeeping and three meals a day. No garbage to take out or mail to retrieve. Magaret, stubborn and determined, knows things will change. . .
She has been so good to me, I know it's hard to let someone not related by blood into your life and home to care for you. We all do things a little differently. Once We locked horns and I stood my ground she seemed to respect me. I am only wanting the best for them and want to assist them in regaining their strength.
It is understood. Now at bedtime she kisses me and say, "Thank you Susan for all you do."
It's easy, borne of Love.
We have had Mass at home these last three Sundays. It really helps unify us to participate in the humbling and emptying part of the 30 minute service to see the Blessings which are strewn all around. Today is the first Sunday in Advent. The Priest urged us to see God in one another and throughout the day.
Namaste Sweet Ones~

2010-11-27T18:34:00.000-08:00

Saturday means no appointments! Vacuuming, laundry and grocery shopping are a nice change of pace. Mirage looks forward to her walks each day; no wind and standing in the sunshine, made me think of going to the pool to sun. Right!
I figured out how to change Dad's screen saver this morning, from the 'depressing' haunted house on the island to Niagara Falls. . .I found the exact landscape he had had, before Scotty changed it. "That's it!" he exclaimed

Dad and I had Chrissy's vegetarian Loaded Corn Soup for lunch, Margaret enjoyed the last of the spaghetti. We keep talking about pizza, but Mrs. is too weak to go out. She begs us to go: as if. . . .
Then we settle down for an afternoon of football and I serve egg salad sandwiched for what midwesterners call Supper. Dad and I have apples and Mrs. had applesauce.
We have quite a bit of fun today teasing. Dad likes to remember How I was bitten by his dog Mugsy and how horses like to throw me, roll over onto me and run off with me. Funny!
Bedtime comes early if you call 8:30 early.
Thad and Dan call today.So does my friend Judy.
Dad now seems stronger than Margaret who napped the afternoon away. Of course, it goes without saying they did 5 laps, dad climbed stairs and they worked their elastic bands.
G'Night All~

2010-11-27T06:32:00.000-08:00

Each day there is time to sit. . . a sweet beginning. Since it's six, Mirage stays on the bed and just waits.
We had deviled eggs for breakfast, Thanksgiving for lunch and I make potato soup during the Nebraska-Colorado halftime show.
Dad is realizing that I will be leaving in four days. He wants another extension. He jokes about this. I know the transition will be hard for them. They are unable to care for themselves easily. Margaret and Dad are always in pain: feet, knees, tailbone and back. Dad suffers from nausea every morning at five and arises to avoid vomiting.
They can barely walk, and the came and walkers are essential to balance upon. Regardless of how much they exercise with the elastic bands and leg lifts and knee squeezes, the slight amount of effort will not restore them to independence in a month.
We watched a lot of football today. Margaret dozed while Dad and I downloaded Skype to his computer. They worked up their prescription order for December.
It was a fine day. Margaret is sneezing a lot today, we'll need to vacuum the dog hairs up first thing tomorrow,

Namaste

2010-11-26T04:56:00.000-08:00

Each morning a wonderful sunrise. . .as if a shade were being raised to reveal orange striated daylight.
Two loads of laundry and I had time to polish my boots.

A simple breakfast of oatmeal holds us until one, when we are picked up and whisked on in Harland's new Chrysler Sebring. . .less than one week old.
Dinner is served. Corn casserole, broccoli casserole and green bean casserole, cranberry sauce and an interesting pretzel salad. It was a cold day at 14 degrees.
Both children called and my brother and nephew text the greeting of the day, "Happy Thanksgiving".

Mirage was so good, she laid on a blanket and watched the whirligig of activity. She received a lot of little pats on the head. Once I was beckoned, she had been in the garbage, removing paper plates. . .
After a lovely and filling meal, I practiced shallow breathing for relief. I told the daughter's how things were going with the parents, though I could not predict how they will do when I return home.
It was an early night to bed, dad did his arm work, and Margaret's ostomy worked , so there was a feeling of relief.
Tom and I had a nice conversation. He joined a communal feast at St. Andrews and spent the afternoon with Constance. We'll have our family dinner on the 5th of December it is agreed.
I am Thankful for. . .Dan my husband who makes my life so pleasant. My meditation and yoga practice that brings me health and serenity, the love of family and the blessings of friendship. My little dog is a great companion and bed warmer. She also keeps me grounded.

2010-11-24T16:34:00.000-08:00

I am so excited for Thanksgiving! I hand washed a sweater and polished my leather boots. I called my step sister to make sure bringing Mirage would not be a 'problem' as Dad suggested I do. She understands I need her AND can't leave her home alone for the day. I was willing to stay home and fast. I have never done that . . . . But I am here to be a 'loving daugther' and that is my purpose tomorrow.
Today Margaret almost had her stitches removed, she hadn't healed enough though, we'll return on Monday. We got a lot of concerned looks the two walkers and the blind lady and dog. . .Someone 'saved'us from the automatic door at the Nebraska Medical Center. It opens towards you. The button is waist high on the left and the red fire alarm shoulder high in the right. While I was groping the wall, someone pushed the correct button and we were nearly smacked as the door blew in! Mirage made a quick leap backwards.
All in all, everyone in Omaha has been generous with their kind hospitality.
Dad needed to pick up some photos at Costco so we went in and Margaret, weak from her first shower in two weeks, stayed in the car.
Home for a baked potato and salmon patties. Margaret had been craving these. I was happy to do so well with this recipe on my first try.
They napped and dreaded the Physical Terrorist. He really puts them into an anxious state. They were nearly sick with dread.
Then they slept. I got the paper, the mail and took out the garbage.
At 72 degrees inside, we are all dry and Mirage is rubbing against the upholstery. So the humidifier comes out of storage. I am glad, because Dad is prone to sinus infections.

Mirage enjoys walkies. We follow the sidewalk at a fast clip and promenade as if in a dog show. I love how she trots and her ears bounce. She has been looking more like a hunting dog as she peers forward intently, eyeing some wildlife in the draw below.
Dinner is toasted cheese and a toasted peanut butter and jelly for dad. He and I share a honey crisp apple. Marge choose apple sauce.
I boiled eggs for deviling in the morning.
It is suppose to drop to 9 degrees by morning. Sky is snowy looking: low and white with a brisk wind.
Thankfully we are warm. I brought up the subject of 'what next'? Do they have an assisted nursing home in mind if one of them needs more care. They hadn't talked about this. They have a lease that is in effect through September of 2011.
Sweet dreams All.... I am also Thankful for my sitting time with bells and rain, my yoga ball, and mat which is keeping me agile and connected to self love. Namaste

2010-11-23T18:57:00.000-08:00

One week from now, I'll be landing in Portland. . .Home, Sweet, Home!
Sleep isn't so easy here. I am cold. Mirage hogs the bed: it's always something :-)
ha ha ha
I awake early to sit, the percolator hiccouphing in the kitchen. I sit and find contentment.
Then we have pancakes, I slide rolled oats into mine and top them with yogurt. Dad and I are fighting constipation today, Low residue wins!
There were only two scheduled nurses today and no outings other than the mail recovery and two trips to the garbage.
Scotty showed up for dinner and we had a little feast and a ton of humor.
To Kill A Mockingbird came on Television, I was the only one free to watch it. Dad and Margaret have a lot of paperwork to busy themselves. I just brought Mirage and a book of Danna Faulds poms. . . I want to give myself completely to this cause.
They are doing well. Margaret confides in me that dad has little to say. He's remote and not affectionate. We agree he doesn't feel well and He's a quiet and reserved man. I posted their photo on facebook today as they dozed in their recliners, legs up, hydration at hand, canes at their side. Sweet sweet Suchnesses.

Love, Susan

2010-11-22T17:31:00.000-08:00

A sweet day! Up at 6, Mirage had been off her relieving schedule. No deposits today at all, just last night's to clean up. I am now out of kibble so we go to Petco for a five pound bag of Science Diet Original, its now called Science Diet Fitness Original, Okay!

Cold cereal makes an easy breakfast, Special K w/o fiber and with 5 grams! Prunes and fresh blueberries. (I am still decaffeinated. And detoxing from wine.)
WE all love green tea.
I wash the bedding and the physical therapist comes to work with both parents. Dad and I run out for the kibble and copies of Margaret's Low Residue Diet for each of her daughters.
Home for the O.T, who works with stretchy bands and gives then four exercises each. Eat the Cookie, Play the Trombone and Milk the Cow are three. I will orchestrate these twice daily.
Lunch time is a toasted cheese sandwich with cottage cheese salad and a jello for the Mrs, mixed with cottage cheese.
Dad and I leave for Walmart to get photos and groceries. It's busy. We leave Mirage home because I need a big cart to get two gallons of milk and all the rest. I realize I have not shopped alone for 4 years now. I enjoyed spotting items ( and made some mistakes. . the Green Tea said 'citrus' in a lighter font.)
While we are away, The B12 nurse comes and goes.
Marge's brother in law makes us dinner: spaghetti and meat sauce. We later call so I can get his recipe. I strain the sauce, Marinara Voila!!, so I can eat with them tomorrow night)
Tomato sauce, lots!
Pkg. spaghetti seasoning
Italian seasoning
onion powder
canned mushrooms drained
less than 1/2 c. sugar.
I don't have any. I enjoy an almond granola bar at 5, and a jainormous green mixed salad at 6. Light blue cheese and Dorothy Lynch make it a Pollock masterpiece, add blue cheese crumbles.
Now we relax. Mihoko called to say she is able to teach my yoga class on Wednesday morning. Yeah. Dan sent a check to Tom for a book study he is involved in with the Mennonites. It's cool here with a bit of rain last night. Glad I picked up these 99 cent gloves.
Margaret says she and Dad are both ready to die, and hope God will take them with out before long. That explains why he sent the 400 pound package of his memorabilia.
They are tired of getting sick and enduring such long and costly recoveries.
Good Night All~

2010-11-21T14:33:00.000-08:00

When I awoke today at 7, Margaret was already making the coffee and pancakes. Mirage needed to eat, water and releive so I groggily took care of her.
Margaret has regained her strength and may wish I were going home today as planned. I hope today's rapid start will not be a pattern. Maybe I need to set my alarm. She offered that they were famished, having been up for two hours.
Okay! Some times I just need to grin and bear it.
I made baked shrimp and baked potato for lunch, dad and I had steamed spinach. I also make potato soup for dinner with lots of vegetables, then pureed it for ease of digestion.
The B12 nurse came.
I vacuumed and did three loads of laundry.
I like that they are motivated to walk the hall five laps now and dad climbs the stairs to 10 levels.
Dad and I spent some time at Costco.com looking at Jon's senior photos and ordering five.
Who knows what tonight will bring. maybe snow.
A little insight into this morning's 'rub'. . .Maragaret says Dad has been raving over my care of him, and all she does for him hardly gets a nod. That was helpful information.
I will be going to bed at eight :-) Got to keep the patients on a healing course.Namaste All!

2010-11-20T16:53:00.000-08:00

Today I am the first one up, five a.m.! I wasn't sleeping so rather than re run yesterdays scenarios, I sat. And nearly fell asleep, wrapped as I was in a cave like cocoon.
"It's cream of wheat weather, I repeat, so feed your family Hot cream of wheat!" Yes, and an almond granola bar with banana and green tea. Since I forgot to remove Dad's lidocaine foot patches last night we all decide a schedule would be a good idea. After the feeding, dressing and bed making, there are two hours for physical therapy exercises and a few laps in the hall. Dad is even going up and down the stairs. He has Breathing exercises every half hour. We repeat the morning routine again after lunch.
Margaret is recovering faster. When she starts ordering Dad to do this and get that I reminded her that last week, dad had double pneumonia! He needs 6-8 weeks to get stronger.

Sargent Susan is here to support you in your recovery! I will feed you and everything else so you can rebuild your strength.
I bake a fresh pear cake too.
Donna and Harland come by. Donna offers to take me "anywhere" for a break, but there is nowhere I would rather be, than here.
We will spend Thanksgiving with them and I bring Mirage and deviled eggs.
Split pea soup is our dinner, Margaret asks for peanut butter and pumpkin butter on toast. They are both eating small meals about five times a day. All the sugar and cardiac numbers are good.
My former minor, 'dietician' is coming in handy.
A nap and a yoga session fill out the day. It's a chill 27 degrees, and dropping. The skies are clear and the air crispy.
Time for the game Texas A and M versus Nebraska. Go Big Red!

2010-11-19T13:45:00.000-08:00

It can't be Friday, but it is! Finally, I am rested enough to awake earliest! I sit for a heavenly 20 minutes and feel my stardust. . .So good to come home to the peaceful spaciousness of energy.
Then the shuffling of walkers and the race is on, feeding today poached eggs on toast with peach mango juice, fresh oranges and an almond granola bar.
Then dad and I have haircuts with Mary, Margaret's daugther in law. I am so thankful for some time away, it's like a coffee break and involves being cared for :-)
Then the bank, dollar store for greeting cards and we need more residue free groceries from Wal Mart!
Margaret calls to say we're having company for lunch and what do I have planned. . . .I answer, 'nothing at the moment'. They arrive in thirty minutes. Chrissy, announces she is having a second child in July! Mirage has fun playing with the great grand children Jordan and Marisa.

The the occupational nurse and physical therapist with 'homework' for the both of them.
We are waiting for Carla, the B12 nurse.
I believe tonight will be a quiet one. After the eight visitors yesterday I was exhausted. and a bit short tempered. I was thankful for the ability to pratipakshabhavana and find shani: the sacred pause before choosing a skillful response.
Today I rescheduled my YAG surgery at Casey Eye and I'll find a sub for next Wednesday's yoga class.
Glad my calendar was free. I am saving my family lot of running around energy that can be channeled into healing energy. And sometimes they have issues with me reminding and gently directing them. That's when Mirage offers her two cents worth. . .comic relief is always welcome.

Namaste

2010-11-18T13:28:00.000-08:00

Mirage spends a lot of time dozing and looks forward to getting out of the warm house (72 degrees) into the cool Midwestern air. She takes her sweet time to sniff and potty. We also have outings to take out the garbage and get the mail. The Omaha World Herald is delivered to our door. I love breathing deeply the crisp fresh air.
Today, with two patients, it was the busied day yet. I love being in the moment, trusting the unfolding of each day. Then no worries arise, just trusting.
After rising in the darkness, we have Mirage then the two lovebirds' walkers come rattling from the bedroom. Everyone gets settled into their chair and I start breakfasts. Then Dad showers while I clean the kitchen and ready to dress his toe nails and feet. They know their pill regimes. Marge rises to dress and groom. My turn...
I open the door for the physical 'terrorist', who puts Dad through a battery of tests, which include climbing stairs and standing on one leg, before the blindfold balance test.
We eat quickly and a nurse arrives to go over Dad's health. Then Carla, Margaret's intake nurse arrives for her assessment and her B12 shot ( two hours later).
Now we await the pastor.
Then Donna and Harland are coming for dinner and I will get some corn muffins baking.
Bye for now~

2010-11-16T14:05:00.000-08:00

Didn't sleep too well last night. I got a little goofy and hyper over Monday Night football. I decided if we were going to spend all our time watching it, I may as well invite it in! I can balance on my yoga balls and cheer from the Harrison Hills' sidelines.
We dressed after our poached eggs and apple cake, excited to visit Margaret at the Clarkson Hospital. We drove through the bank, (dad insisted on paying me for the groceries I purchased) and filled the tank at Costco because snow is in the forecast for the next few days.

Mirage gets a lot of attention when we arrive to visit. The valet attendants, nurses and dietician all note with approval, what an amazing and beautiful dog!
She's really good at elevators and remembering routes through the hospital. We made a quick stop for bread at Rotella's. A woman rushed towards us to ask if she was a seeing eye dog, "Yes!"
Big news! Margaret will be released tomorrow~
We'll have double the patient load (hahaha) Her diet is low residue and dad's is low fat and high fiber/ low sugar diabetic.
I call Margaret to ask what she is hungry for: tuna noodle casserole and strawberry jello. And that's what I make tonight. Laundry, mail and emptying the dishwasher are among our other chores today.
Dad restarted the Omaha World Herald so we can play the jumble soon.
Mirage dozes happily, we wore her out.
Respectfully submitted, SuzyG

2010-11-15T17:29:00.000-08:00

It's still a little awkward to be here. I hang my clothes and check out the kitchen, planning to get started there. Dad's color is better overnight but he still too tired to take a walk in the outer entry area. After a breakfast of oatmeal and blueberries, I start making the roasted red pepper soup and tuna salad. Lunch is good and we spend the afternoon watching football. I bring green tea and juices. Also remind him of his medicine harmonica. Dad is the beneficiary of some Thai massage to his legs and feet. He states, "They tingle!"

Mirage and I have an outing every few hours. Dad and Margaret live on a bluff overlooking a creek where raccoons, weasels, wild turkeys and deer frequent. I recognize the scat when Mirage shows too much interest, Yuck!
After brushing her teeth for the second time today I get back to the kitchen, making a fresh apple cake. That's what we have for dinner with a slice of cheddar.
Then more football!
Margaret is having barium tonight, and in the morning they will look for her blockage.
I love that sleep comes at 8. . . .I can really sleep when curled up with Mirage. A one dog night here in Omaha. Shhh

2010-11-14T09:37:00.000-08:00

Mirage and I are off: up, up and away to Omaha. It's our fifteenth air flight. We depart Portland at six a.m. and fly to SLC. We have a narrow compartment, which includes three seats side by side. The flight is not full. Mirage enters the row, then backs out. I call her in and determine there is no way I can ask her to lie down and then swirl and stuff her 70 pound frame under the seat in front of me. Tears arise. Mirage hops up into the middle seat and quickly drops into leather luxury. She peers at me. "Get down!" and she lays her head onto her paws. . .

Sweet, but she does get down. Holding a cup of coffee in one hand while boarding complicated my ability to act quickly.
I enjoyed a blueberry 'wonder' muffin and orange juice. Mirage doesn't eat on the morning of a flight so she is on empty in the sky. My Apple iPod is playing the Moody Blues' Om as we soar above the clouds which appear to be tinted with crimson lava. Oh, the sunrise is under the clouds! Magnificent.

The flight from Salt Lake City to Omaha is equally grand and Mirage has better accomodations. She sprawls out, accepting her emptiness and dozes. I take a pain pill and just drop into listening to the other passengers . I set my intention to be a caregiver who makes a lot of eye contact. I am bringing some recipes so I can prepare healthier food. Margaret can only eat cooked, skinless vegetable so I will re introduce texture and color.I hope to try the Thai Massage Julie taught last night at the Shanti. I have the handout in my purse.
Once on the ground Mirage finds the nearest door and does her business. Then we are greeted by Connie and Joe and taken to Dad's apartment. We spend the afternoon visiting and we share my vegetarian sandwich and make tomato soup for dinner. There is still snow on the ground. It'll be 22 degrees overnight.
Mirage sleeps with me, a one dog night.

2010-11-12T09:43:00.000-08:00

Somewhat unexpectedly, Mirage and I are packing for Omaha, and 1-3 inches of snow are forecast for overnight! Uncle Joe and Aunt Connie will pick us up at the airport.
When I received a check in my birthday card a few weeks ago dad wrote, "maybe use this for a trip to Omaha." I could not imagine my shingles plagued body walking three blocks. And now I am confirming my reservation on Delta.

Dad fell 12 days ago and the paramedics needed to use the paddles to revive his still heart. He had been sick through the night and wondered if it was something he had eaten or maybe it was the flu?
He developed double pneumonia from aspirating vomit. Thankfully antibiotics were introduced upon his arrival at the Clarkson Hospital. He has been improving steadily.
(I got a flu shot in the event they would be needing me.)
His wife, Margaret became sick with the flu two days after admitting Dad. She refused to let anyone into care for her, fearing they too would be dreadfully ill. The phones lost their charge and she had to crawl to the kitchen to use the wall phone to call her daughter when she fell and cut her calf. She was admitted to the same hospital. Dad was allowed to visit her daily. She suffered blood loss and needed transfusions. Then a bowel obstruction. Now the Dr. has determined she needs surgery for the obstruction.
Dad is coming home today, but still needs someone to care for him. Suzy to the bedside!
Mirage to the rescue. They assure me that no rat poisoning lurks undiscovered, in the recesses of the garage.
It will be good to visit, cook clean and soothe. We'll visit Margaret daily unless the snow is prohibitive.
I will miss Dan and my yoga classes. I intend to bring my paints. So happy for the internet that keeps me connected.
Love, Suzy

2010-11-10T22:33:00.000-08:00

On Tuesday, Mirage had an appointment with Dr. Fritch, her vet. She needed a booster for kennel cough and more toothpaste. GDB is so good to cover all her expenses!
I was shocked to learn that she weighs 70 pounds. ( I quickly reflected, was it the pizza she had last night at Juliano's? hahahah ) This is about 10 pounds over her ideal weight. Blueberries with breakfast, kibble for her morning snack, more kibble at lunch with a handful of vine ripened tomatoes, then carrots throughout the long afternoon patiently ( or not) waiting until dinner at four. How could fruits and vegetables add weight?
Oh, i forgot to mention the peanut butter that brings contentment following breakfast :-/
She is fond of eating! And it's such an easy go to for her and me.
She often stares at me while I eat, so I'm told. . . I hadn't noticed her at all.
Maybe when I am totally blind her persuasive eyes will no longer affect me.
She is now enjoying 3/4 cup of kibble twice a day and our walks are extending.
Do you really think she might evolve to become a Hippopotamus under my watchful eye?

2010-11-06T09:27:00.000-07:00

I often think, "What a sweet, patient and beautiful dog!"
I've decided that our morning meditation is the best part of the day. To sit quietly and softly 'see' the Fall palette splashed across the landscape of my mind. Trees: crimson and ocher spill leaves randomly as squirrels scamper up the trunk and down. . .chickadees flit to the feeder, teasing a sunflower seed for a morning munch. The cocky black jay soars in to establish a military presence.
Feed, water and relieve, then we sit.
In class we are looking at what do we want people to see in us, and conversely, what do we hope they don't see. We are studying avida: a klesha that looks at the causes of suffering. When we are innocent to our true Self, we suffer. I want to be popular,in the sense of having friends who want to be with me. I have always been solitary and feel a little awkward in the company of others. I still would love to have friends.

And I don't want people to think I am 'dumb' because all my life (yes) I have chosen to develop my heart not seek unnecessary degrees from higher learning. It has been my intention to draw close to God, and study sukha, purity and contentment since I was in my teens. In some ways I see how this has set me aside from my contemporary culture.

This week I have been focusing so much on making it through each day, that I have forgotten to plan the next one and I remember it's not a problem. I am loosing the bigger picture though. The words bored, lonely, hungry surface as a sit.

Maybe I'm distracted. My dad has been hospitalized with pneumonia for five days and last night his wife fell and is being admitted to the same hospital. I offered to come and care for them. They do not want me to become sick. I will wait. . .

Still I sit and think Mirage is my best friend. And I think, "poor thing." What a boring life for a dog. More and more I am thinking she should go back to GDB. She could be a service to someone who is more active. TOO much thinking and not enough contentment.
Love, Suzy

2010-11-01T10:17:00.000-07:00

Random thoughts.
I am limiting myself to ten hours of sleep a night, deciding a little more structure is desirable. Pain for the last few hours of sleep,though I don't get up to medicate.
Three tries at making coffee. Too much water,the reservoir is full! Then I miss the black hole completely, pouring water across the counter top and down the face of the dishwasher onto the floor. The third time is a 'go'. Ah, welcome November; usher in the season of darkness.
I realize that blindness is everything and nothing at the same moment. My life put on the back burner so I can exist is a much larger context. I Smile. . . .
Sitting down to meditate, I realize Mirage needs more attention first. She rolls onto her back as I softly address her. She would like a massage and some soothing conversation before she settles into her savasana.
I sit, body like mountain, breath like wind, mind like sky.
The leaves peel off the tall yellow poplar across the street. Didn't I just paint that exact scene three days ago?
I realize that to live an awakened life opens me to pain and I gently join the throng of all who suffer pain.
And the gong meditation ends. I am hungry, Mirage snoozes on. . .Blessed

2010-10-28T22:27:00.000-07:00

Body like mountain, breath like wind, mind like sky.
I can hold all the pain and discord the world revels to me and remain loving, compassionate and centered. Namaste

2010-10-28T09:46:00.000-07:00

I am on the mend!
Two mornings without my first thought being, "Too much pain."
I am still cautious about overdoing which seems wise.
With all the birthday celebrations, I forgot to mention my four month eye exam following cataract surgery in June. We saw Dr. Armour last Thursday. She is really quite lovely; soft spoken and quite tender hearted, moving from a professional even demeanor of course. When she asked how I was doing, I smiled and said, "I'm practicing contentment."
After my exam and another scan for edema on the macula, she concluded that more surgery is indicated. The implant lens is situated in a capsule which has become tight and wrinkled. I am seeing through 'rumpled saran wrap'. I knew something was up with the left eye, as I can't see to paint the way I have: simple lines...
The other issue, the perkengya effect, (light bouncing off the lens' bevel) is an optics problem she stated. She can cover the existing lens with another lens but that involves more risk. As we enter this season of darkness, less light will be bopping into the bevel and I am happy to wait until Summer to re evaluate.

For now we'll begin anew with the eye drops one being prednisone to get the cystoid macular edema under control and in a month the JAG surgery.
It seems reasonable as the eye is not too usable just now. So glad I am practicing Contentment. Mirage takes everything in stride, such a good example :-)

2010-10-25T09:53:00.000-07:00

"It's her Birthday week!" claims Mirage...this means we'll be active and seeking random journeys of Joy!
Sunday we were invited to a series of Bach cantatas at a church in the Hollywood district. The floors were polished hardwood and each time I relaxed I found myself sliding down the gentle slope to visit the music lovers in the pew in front of mom and dad.
There was so much to sniff and spooky Halloween decorations in the yards where I was expected to relieve, after eating the 'tailgate' lunch they prepared for me. I couldn't go~
Then into another new venue, Ciao Vito, a dark Italian restaurant on Alberta where one server after another nudged me with their black polished leather toe tips. Me , the velvet curtain and the floor all a rich matte black. I hear the sangiovese was peppery and the potato fritters with arugula pesto divine!
Through the rain and puddles to jazz church for another hour and a half in the harness. Those PETA people were right on when they said, "24x7". I am tired and want to run and play. Hear I lay quietly again because it's church. Marilyn Keller sings, 'Killing me Softly'. I smile and doze a bit.
Then home for a fire and the soft sounds of rain pummeling the windows. I leap and twist in mid air, looking for my toys and ready for my bedtime snack of peanut butter and blueberries.
I had a pretty good day, I've just forgotten that that it's not all sleep and some play. .I am a working girl!
Mom had a nice day, but over did it again. She needed a pain pill to sit through the cantata. She is talking about having another ten years or so to live. It seems the women in her family die in their seventies. So, she says, "How then shall I live?"
She wants to dance and sing and be out doors. She wants tlive like a saint, emptying herself in service to others.
I find I'm dozing off again. G'night All. . . .(woof, woof...woof!) muffled. . . .

2010-10-21T08:58:00.000-07:00

http://features.peta.org/PetaPrime/SexiestVegOver50/Round1.aspx

Here is a link to PETA's "Sexiest Vegetarian/Vegan over 50" contest, which I have entered. As a vegetarian and guide dog afficionado, I thought I would be an interesting contestant, Maybe even bringing awareness of blind is beautiful and elevating guide dogs to celebrity status.
I received a letter saying my entry has been been accepted, and sure enough my photo appears on the page. Over lunch my husband casually says, "they'll probably eliminate you."
When I ask why, he states they think guide dogs are 'slaves'. and reads me the following piece from the PETA vice president:

"Animal Advocate Calls Blind Guide Dog Users Cruel &unfit, PETA, Off-Base or Playing to Public Fear?
Donna W. Hill March 08, 2009
"We oppose most seeing-eye-dog programs," says Daphna Nachminovitch, PETA's vice president for Cruelty Investigations, in an interview with the LA Times´ "LA Unleashed."

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/unleashed/2009/01/when-we-first-r.html

E mail PETA at: DaphnaN@peta.org

Nachminovitch´s objections go beyond PETA´s distaste for breeding programs. "They are kept in harnesses almost 24/7, people are prohibited from petting or playing with them and they cannot romp and run and interact with other dogs." PETA also claims that schools force blind people to return their retired dogs.

Nachminovitch doubts the fitness of most blind people to care for their animals, "A deaf person can see if a dog has a medical issue such as blood in her urine, a blind person living alone cannot." PETA´s solution would return blind people to lives of dependence; "The human community should do more to support blind people, and give dogs a break. ."

I am looking forward to seeing how this plays. . .voting begins November 2nd.

2010-10-14T09:41:00.000-07:00

Even after a poor night's sleep, Mirage is able to charm the socks off me! She wags and spins when I emerge from the bedroom, dashing to the laundry room, she lines up and sits patiently in the door way, drool dripping from her lip.I straddle her and tell her she's such a good girl.
Then I fill her bowl with a cup of kibble and two cups of tepid water. It sits for a few minutes and is 'porridge'. After filling her bowl with a cup of fresh cool water, she flies for the back door, reading to relieve. I open the door, and screen, she catapults through the air, spins and drops her morning news.
Often she dashes to our neighbor's raspberry patch (growing in our yard) for her fruit serving.She happily nibbles and munches, stripping a berry of any notable warm tone.
Today apparently the berries are done producing, because she trots back to the outdoor livingroom, to snatch a grape tomato on her way indoors. She gives me a sideways glance and she trots back into the house.
I settle on the cushion for my meditation time. She likes dropping her red toy on me repeatedly, and I rise and fill it with peanut butter, she we are both content to contemplate. Mirage finished her morning routine with more water and settles back onto her pillow to doze.
All I can say is, "Not the tomatoes!" These small red orbs are numbered as the temp drops into the upper thirties overnight.

2010-10-12T18:08:00.000-07:00

A night of pain and a morning appointment with Dr. Anna.she thinks it still linked to the damage to nerves, post herpetic neuralgia. She prescribed lidocaine patches and i began weeping softly. I want to be well. . . Not cover the pain. I can do that with the 40 vicodin tabs I still have.
Mirage is good cuddle company for the past month. These shingles are like being sick, tired, weak, forgotten, laying in bed for hours a day trying to maintain good spirits. I am thankful for a walk each evening to walk Mirage and feel her pep and joy vicariously!

I just broke down today to Dan. What can I do honey?
Love me . .
I do.
I feel tired, weak, sickly, helpless, hopeless.! I want to run. And bicycle. And laugh. And play again.
Dan finds a blog written by a Jesuit priest who vacations in a Galway monastery over Christmas and get shingles.http://shingles-fire.blogspot.com/ He stays for two months recovering his health and doesn't fully recover for six months. The reading is inspiring. He sees how intimate he becomes with his frailty and human weakness. As one who meditates, he found the pain med left him disoriented to his inner landscape too.

On a happier note, mirage ate a huge tomato right off the topsy turvy plant while my back wAs turned to pick up a morning 'offering'. I heard her gagging and when I performed the sweep as in lifesaving ABCs, a giant tomato popped out. I let her eat it.
Today we enjoyed tomato sandwiches with the rustic polenta and spinach soup i prepared last night for dinner. This recipe is in the current Bon Apetit. . .
Love as Always, SuzyG

2010-10-10T08:33:00.000-07:00

I have turned inward this last week. Feeling contentment within these four walls with Mirage and my shingles virus. She is such good company. We manage to get out every evening for a sweet walk. My energy is low, sometimes a fever and often the pain, and always the itch on burning skin. I am happy to say I am caring for myself nicely; sleeping up to 12 hours a day and preparing healthy if simple foods.
I wonder how much of my release is due to my deep release class. It seems I am taking on a lot of issues that were ready to be addressed; fear, and clinging to patterns of behaviors that so longer are appropriate. Looking at my tendency to analyze I feel like like am lost within a ball of yarn. I stop and instead find a statement of gratitude to give my mind a 'job'. It feels good to STOP; I am advocating for me!
My life seems 'empty' in a good way. It is a blank page and I am still erasing.
My yoga practice is self study and meditation, this mystic has a lot of inner 'work' to do. My physical body is happy to rest, and feel the sun baking blistered sores or lungs receiving cool air, and hearing rain patterns through the opened windows.
In a strange way it is welcoming blindness. This is the season when my life slows and my sight is at it's worst, yet I feel an unusual contentment. I would love to drink apple cider, put up fruit chutneys and carve pumpkins, not much more. It seems it is the season for healing. . . .
For my birthday I would like a meditation pillow. I did see a pattern in a yoga journal. . .and I have a sewing machine. I feel a hesitation here.
Thought I would enclose some photos of Mirage.

Mirage still meditates with me, when she's not whomping me with her happy tail. . .

An afternoon with Val getting pampered, next month Mirage gets her first pedicure.

Apprentice Deb Ma treats Mirage to a few apple slices as Stacey and I look on.
(photo credit to Yvonne.)

2010-10-03T11:10:00.000-07:00

Hey, it's October. I thrill to the freshness and awaiting evolution October brings. Daily I witness it's changes; the colors of the leaves and their falling, the cooler moistness of the morning air, the low angle of the sun at the horizon, the new foods I am yearning for.
Already we have attended two parties, which took Mirage and over 'over the river and through the woods' where Autumn has begun it's bright charade.
There's something about this time of year that makes for urgency, preparing flower beds to lie dormant, and making colorful changes indoors that reflect the season upon us.
I am dreaming of new used sweaters, aqua, orange and purple,
Pumpkin pies, apple cider and mushroom crostini.
And my birthday.
I have loved this year, my sixtieth. . . .moving away from my comfort zone, testing the edges and determining what my life needs to be to truly reflect who I am. I love singing and dancing, walking and being outdoors, being alone, and being creative, making new friends and reading.
Mirage and I have tuned in more deeply to one another's heart songs. The month of September sabbatical allowed us to slow our pace and enjoy our union. I am feeling contentment at being home and enjoying the discovery.

2010-09-26T10:21:00.000-07:00

We are rapidly moving into Fall and darkness. Practicing contentment is a full time interest. I have a history of fearing the dark season and the mood changes it produces in me. Last year I embraced the color grey and wore that color most days. This year I am believing it's a matter of contentment; aligning with reality and accepting what is! Without the obvious struggle, there is rich possibility and room for gratitude.

On Thursday Mirage and I went to yoga on C Van. Arriving an hour early, we found time to visit Kadoodles, a toy store nearby where Mirage was able to buy a new toy. She is so gentle with her toys, they last forever. I was hoping she would 'choose' one, by indicating interest. She turned her head from each one. ( I later realized she won't play in harness! Just the way she turns her nose up and away from fresh bacon, produced to lure her into distraction while in her harness.)So I chose Foxy, a little orange and black fox.

As we returned to the Shanti for class, another van arrived to carry us home, some two hours early. I inquired if the van was for us. Yes it was. I said my ride was for 5:45, not 3:45.
I received a 'no show' for refusing to board.
I just took this in my stride, knowing the records would show otherwise, As I kindly flowed with this new reality, a ride was offered and We had the chance to deepen our relationship with another student.

Life is not a problem. . . .we are eager to explore all that Autumn brings.

2010-09-24T08:58:00.000-07:00

Such restlessness. What is it I want to do!!?? Paint with unbridled fury? Run like crazy?
I seem to be better a Twitters of late.

2010-09-23T07:20:00.000-07:00

I teach yoga class on Wednesday and Friday mornings. As I was sharing what The Buddha said about the three causes of suffering (greed, anger and ignorance; so we practice their opposites, generosity, compassion and wisdom) . . a man asked, "How does one practice wisdom?"
Quite an interesting conversation followed. Prayer, meditation, stillness, chant and sacred text reading are sweet points of contemplation.

"People travel to wonder at the height of the mountains, at the huge waves of the seas, at the long course of the rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motion of the stars, and yet they pass by themselves without wondering." -
St. Augustine

2010-09-22T11:43:00.000-07:00

Wondering how to love my right breast as much as my sweet 'uncomplaining' left breast.
On the vernal equinox can I literally hold them equally with all the love and honor in my heart?

How I long to love the left one more, feed it a sumptuous chocolate cake, fresh peaches and a stem of asti spumante. The challenge to have compassion for this circumstance.

May I exist in the great equanimity, free of aversion, attraction and prejudice. Suzy

(This post is really has to do with my childhood. I was always the quiet 'invisible' one and didn't get attention for being good. It seems this is surfacing just now hmmmmmmm.)

2010-09-21T16:22:00.000-07:00

Laying on the chaise lounge under a canopy of topsy turvy grape tomatoes, admiring the red orbs against the blue sky. I adore sworls and tufted patters of Mirage's shiny black coat. She lies near me as we listen to an audio book (Tender Bar: a memoir) and allow the sun to massage gently our dorsal surfaces. I long for a massage but my skin is alert to touch.

This morning I canceled my Fall session of watercolor 111. It only seems right to let someone on the waiting list take my space after being diagnosed on Monday with shingles. I run a low fever and chill alternately, feel lethargic and am glad I have practiced contentment for the month. I hear story after story of how painful it is.
I refuse to be part of the story, I'd rather witness it.

It is odd, to look at my chest and breast aside from the red patches of purulent blisters, one can't imagine the angst of the nerve beneath. I am so thankful I can breathe well, which is a sedative to the nervous system and mind. For many days I awake in pain before the crack of dawn and sit formally, using the ujjayi technique. Then moving into forward bends, inversions and easy twisting. Either two advil or one half a vicodin tab at once eases the contracting musculature of my chest and i return to bed for sleep. As I sat and breathed I felt the drug acting upon the inflammation; a miracle to behold.

All day I spare my strength, cooking, a small amount of mowing to enjoy the fresh air, books on CD, and painting. I am content and quite rested.

Mirage is too. It's really great to take time to get to know her 'looks' and habits after four and a half years of being busy.
Looking forward to the community of my yoga kula on Wednesday and Thursday nights. my rides are all arranged.
Namaste

2010-09-18T19:13:00.000-07:00

A friend called this past week to tell me she thought of me while watching The Buddha on OPB. I checked the listing and wrote a note to watch the program on Saturday at three. It's been years since I studied comparative religion. My favorite quote from the show, " Equanimity is the base camp for the summit: enlightenment."
Looking at the middle path while studying santosha this week seems to embody this teaching. To be awakened just now, where you are, to be content and awake to the joys 'strewn all around'. Buddha (I loved this new sound (not boo-da, but bud-dha) is adored because he woke up, and found that joy is His true nature. Not denying emotions or experience, he was very much a pragmatist, inviting it all in equally.
Suffering comes from greed, anger and ignorance he discovered, so he practiced their opposites, generosity, compassion and wisdom.
After this show I took the sleepy one, Mirage for a walk in the rain and then I sat to let it all percolate. Before I registered for Shanti Fall classes, I intuitively stated that I had had enough of hatha yoga for a while. I was interested in the new class, Deep Release through Conscious Movement and the Kundalini class, some body mapping too!
This seems to be a good opportunity to 'look' at the energy chakras of the body while sitting, resting my mind on each vortex of energy to get a reading on my state of balance or imbalance.
The root chakra yielded the image of sperm, moving away from a center.
The orange, a field of flowers, the yellow, a large swirl or seashell, the green, hands in prayer, the blue, a field of reeds softly vibrating in a breeze. The violet a bell. The white at first was rain, and later with curiosity a fountain. I love the images.
This is a first step towards a painting I think.
Mirage has had a drowsy day. I didn't see any reason to get dressed until our walk at six. She apparently didn't either. Blueberries for breakfast, carrots for lunch and almond butter after dinner make Mirage very content.
I on the other hand am curious about my pain. Today I sensed it coming in yellow, so perhaps it does correlate with the fires of digestion.
I plan to take advil and call the doctor back on Monday. Let's check the gall bladder. Millie called to advise drinking large amounts of water. I tend toward dryness.
Lovingly submitted.

2010-09-15T08:54:00.000-07:00

Looking at contentment through the lens of impermanence.
I don't expect to die, but what if?
I've had a rather severe pain in my right back and chest for the whole week. It started
with a feeling of collapse in the right ribcage as I sat, I just couldn't hold it up any longer. I went to bed abruptly just to lie down.
The next day I was curious about a burning feeling on my back near my arm. The pain seemed to travel to the front of my right side and settle under the breast behind the shoulder blade.Can one have pneumonia without a cold? Is pleurisy a possibility? I had this 20 summers ago and the main symptom was nor being able to expand my chest in a pool. This hurts more on the exhalation, when the lung empties.
I saw the doctor on Wednesday and she took an x ray. Today I receive news it looks 'perfect'. No sign of lung or cardiac abnormality. Yea!
So what about the severe pain that wakes me at 3 in the morning, when the advil wears off?
It's a wait and see. Aleve lasts longer. . .says the nurse. I can live with the pain. No one is suggesting gallbladder or worse. So I will be practicing contentment.

This morning I taught santosha, and I could teach it from my heart, as I look at being
satisfied with what I have and am right now.
Mirage did some of her best work at the Dr.'s office and she is quite concerned about me. She practically sleeps in the hall outsidemy door. I think her name this week is Shadow, not Mirage.
I rise, she rises, I walk she walks, I sit she sits. It is curious :-)
And most delightful.

2010-09-13T12:50:00.000-07:00

Mirage bids you all a fond aloha nui loa. . . .She can't have my dog :-)

2010-09-13T09:48:00.000-07:00

A glorious Sunday finds us anticipating church. An opportunity to worship and give thanks. But where?
We've asked around and want to worship in a chapel near the sea. We choose Kumalani Chapel in Kapalua. We sing and the pastor says we'll be looking at contentment! All right! a new perspective. We turn to Phillipians and he begins to preach on 'laying up treasures in heaven' putting money into our heavenly bank account because we can't take it with us. Dan and I rise and quietly exit. He must know his audience, but he's not speaking our language.
Dan explains 'prosperity theology' to me.
We planned to shop at Belinda's gallery and leave a little cash on the island to benefit the economy. We buy a giclee of Moonsong and Turtle Reef is a gift to us. It depicts turtles playing underwater near a waterfall. This has been such a big turtle week.
Lunch at Dukes was an arugula and farro salad in a cilantro lime vinagerette. Yummy!

We settled in for the afternoon wading on the beach and spotting another bale of turtles; Little LuLu, Mister Magoo, Nefertiti, and Oedipus. When we spotted more (or the same bale later) we wondered if we could name them again?

Mikey doesn't feel well, but we still have a date for dinner at 7 following the sunset and afterglow.

I make a salad and some pineapple salsa. There are thai chilis, basil, limes and scallions in the garden we are able to share.
Dinner is spectacular. Mikey grills two pork loins and an eggplant for me.
It's a sweet conclude as the sunsets and the moon rises, we settle into lawn chairs and finally the moon tucks into a pocket of Lanai's Aloha shirt, across the silvery waters.
Aloha Maui

2010-09-12T11:42:00.000-07:00

A morning of beautiful beaches: Napili and Onealoa. The first had cool breezes and palm trees; it quickly became boisterous and 'crowded'. We were not seeking contentment, just wanted to experience another amazing respite. Onealoa is also called Secret Beach. It is at the end of a trail and we meandered across nesting grounds and an ancient burial sight.

We stopped at Maui Brewing for another taste of Hawaii. The deep fried brie with pineapple salsa was just right, then home for a salad.

Dan intent on watching his Ducks football, I floated in the pool and enjoyed the quietude.

Our neighbors Mikey and Belinda, invited us to join them for a benefit at Mulligans Blue. A local artist was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor in May. It was some party! Dancing and a silent auction after the dinner buffet; a fusion of Hawaiian and Irish fare.

Dan and I are quiet types. We were enbedded amid very flashy glossy island personalities. We held our own. Taking time out to stroll the grounds of this exclusive golf course, breathe and relax. I've never laughed so much. And felt so at home in my being.

This came in today from my Teacher Yvonne ( a quote from Carl Sagan.)
"There is not one cell in our body that was not once part of a star."

Shine on, Sisters~

Well aloha for now,

2010-09-11T15:58:00.000-07:00

A cloudy morning dawns, then the sun pops and we take a quiet stroll, down toward the rocks where the turtles feed on the red algae. We like to find a beach each day for there are SO many, today's is near Whaler's Marketplace then to lunch at the Hula Grill. (for the bikini parade.)I enjoy the coconut porter. It probably has a thousand calories, hopefully some iron in those molasses. . . . and a spinach and goats cheese pizza. The local dairy is Surfing Goat!

Once home it's time for a lazy afternoon nap. . .and we hear, "a snorkeling we will go, a snorkeling we will go~" Mikey is here is make our day.

Absently, I dress and follow the boys down the beach, dragging fins and mask. I am thankful I woke from sleep so I have no time to contemplate excuses, or my deep fears about water, salt water, and drowning.
Dan has no fins that will fit his sized 12 feet, so he floats with a bogie board and goggles. He tells Mike to take care of me. No matter how often I spin in the water I can't find Dan. I manage to see Mikey's blue trunks and keep moving toward him despite the turbulence and the large, black, seaweed covered rocks I manage to encounter under water. Finally Mikey grabs my hand and points at a HUGE green sea turtle close enough to touch. Through the fogged, salty lens I stretch out my hand and move towards her.
How amazing to be swimming with 'it'!

After this half hour of wanting to vomit and pass gas, I point myself for shore. No more calmly sucking air through the tube, pretending to be a turtle. I make a 'run' for it. Smashing upon the roiling sea, grasping for rocks to cling to. I did it!!
Fearless!!
Now the sickness quickens and it's all I can do to get to safe green grass and lay flat, hugging mother earth and letting my insides settle.
Two hours later I ask for a piece of raisin toast, I need to stand, dress and prepare a pupu for the party,

With more food in my tummy I start to feel better, We meet lots of employees here at the LokiLani and climb onto the sea wall for sunset photos as The crescent moon and Venus rise into the indigo sky.

More turtles pop up in front of our eyes: Isis, Janis Joplin and King Kamehameha~
Sitting in sweet darkness, we are so content just to listen and watch the surf roll.

2010-09-10T12:03:00.000-07:00

A magnificent Sunrise following my morning meditation. Meditate This!

Yesterday we thought it wise to outline our remaining days on Maui, so we squeeze everything in! Today we are choosing to visit the volcano Mt. Haleakala across the island. The mist goddess Lilinoe reigns there and her 'drops of love' caressed us as we hiked the Hosmer Grove and ascended to ten thousand feet to view Maui.

Lunch at the Hali imaile General Store begins with a grape and brie quesadilla served with a sweet pea guacamole.

Once home our neighbor Mikey appeared with the eggplant I admired yesterday. Sauteed in mirin and enhanced with sesame seeds and diced scallions. We invited him to stay for dinner following sunset and a swim in the dark. His wife owns an art gallery in Lahaina, she paints there as she 'works' until ten. (belindaleigh.com) We are officially invited to the Friday night pupu party down the way.

I really missed Mirage today and was happy to share her photos over dinner. Tomorrow we snorkel!

2010-09-09T09:56:00.000-07:00

This morning a walk on the beach with Dan at honokauainapili.

This morning I reflect on the contentment of the natural world. The palm is content in it's fronds; the wave always rolls one way. The flowers don their pretty skirts, the same one each day for as long as they live with never a hint of discontent.
Sometimes I am, feelings arise :-) I practice gratitude, sweetening the mind and witnessing my contentment :-)

Farmer's market day, and we could use a few things. Asparagus, Mauai onion, corn on the cob, LEROY'S fresh greens. We enjoy two beaches today. Lunch is at Mauai Brewing Co. I have the pineapple hefeweisen and I hope to return for the coconut porter!
In the afternoon we drive past a group of people rushing towards the beach with camera. It's a group of turtles feeding on red seaweed just feet away. The group of seven have their heads down and tails up most of the time. We sit in awe.
Boniface
Cleopatra
Father Damian
Elinor Rigby
Ferdinand
Guinevere (how could I name her Gandhi?)
Hannibal
The sunset tonight less spectacular, and gorgous too. Watch a bit of Hawaii (1966) before retiring a bit sunburnt. Mirage enjoys a bit of surfing adventure.

2010-09-08T10:53:00.000-07:00

Tuesday: a walking tour for two around Lahaina. Dan needs a few lighter weight t shirts. He runs hot and the polos are not a perfect style when it's eighty seven degrees.
Lunch on the waterfront at The Fish Taco Co.
A study in contentment. I order the wraps and leave thinking grilled veggies: mushroom and bell pepper? Why not carrot, raisin, sprouts and spinach? A few tomatoes and a dab of avocado?
Mirage is quite content to share Dan's mahi reuben sandwich on the other hand.
Oh well, the mind always wants more :-) I see. . .
Home for a day of reading and relishing the ocean; it's cool breezes and the fragrance of plumeria. Outside our lanai is a limu bed where the turtles graze. We spot our first and name him Alphonse ( exhibit A.)
Dinner includes a new york steak for the man and two california rolls for moi. I make a great gazpacho soup with local vegetables. The sound of the ocean is powerful and magnificent, lulling us to sleep.

2010-09-07T11:55:00.000-07:00

Mirage has a 'stand in'. Monday was a travel day, yoga in seat 2B, pranayama and Contentment in real life!
Lunch at Polli's in Makawao, checking into the Surf Shack, watching the sunset.
The neighbor Mike brings a pair of Mai Tais as I am sitting formally.
When I open my eyes and see them I say, "Contentment arrives in many forms :-)"
wink

2010-09-05T09:33:00.000-07:00

Waking on Sunday I am able to reflect. I meditated again last nice and had my new favorite sequence before sleep: headstand, child's pose, shoulderstand, plow and sleep.
I slept well, dreaming of my sister who died in 1990.I found her pot stash :-)
As I sit this morning I realize that the light is very 'jarring' yesterday was a day of eye strain. Did I forget my drops? was it the stinging wind? painting requires much focus~
I received a check for $250.00 this morning for a piece of art which sold in a Los Angeles show.
My contentment runs deeper than that, am I am blessed as this day unfolds. Yvonne's voice, " Rest your fearful minds in the lap of Loving kindness." I think i'll just hang out here today.
Namaste my Sweet friends

2010-09-04T09:56:00.000-07:00

Contentment on a Saturday, what form will it take? I am intrigued that a pose could exist without me and a day could already exist; awaiting my witness.

Sitting to breathe, relax, feel, watch,and allow is a sweet place to begin embodying contentment. And merging with the life which flows. . . . .

Bedtime, couldn't find it today. Practiced asana, breathing, sitting, bike riding, walking, painting. . .restlessness arose. (ha ha ha) Of course this just happens.
Mirage doesn't act like she feels well. We are packing for Mauai, I am not sure whether to have her checked out again,or if it's emotional.
Back to cuddle her right ow.

2010-09-04T07:54:00.000-07:00

I am luxuriating in my month 'at home'!
Deepening my yoga practice on and off the mat, having space to sit and marvel.
This morning from my lips, "aaah, the smell of dog food!" (did I just say that?)
Yes! yesterday's look at contentment was through the lens of upeksa, or equanimity.
The day unfolded as if it had a life of it's own. In meditation it was clear that this would be today's focus.
Last night's feeling of conflict vanished in the dawn's early light. Of course I would love to see Fran, share a simple meal, enjoy a sunset, be curious about a glass of white wine with an arugula salad ( pears, walnuts and gorgonzola.) She understood perfectly how serious I was to commit to my practice. . . .
The practice was to flow with Grace. Invite it all in and stay equanimous. Be content through whatever arises.
The afternoon meditation looked at contentment through the eyes of Wu Men:

Ten thousand flowers in spring, the moon in autumn,
a cool breeze in summer, snow in winter.
If your mind isn't clouded by unnecessary things,
this is the best season of your life.

Mirage enjoyed her walks. I enjoyed walking her.
Moving more slowly as if joy were strewn all around. . .